


hitting every red light, kissing at the stop signs

by montaki



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Slow Burn, toni has a brother
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:33:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 32,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29532024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/montaki/pseuds/montaki
Summary: When Toni meets the person, she might be willing to stay for.
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 63
Kudos: 260





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so i'm trying this out, stay with me here

“And you’re definitely sure you can watch him for two weeks while I’m away?” 

“Yeah dad, it’s just two weeks and I missed him,” Toni replied “It’s been a while since I’ve had the time to visit you guys.” She added and heard her dad sigh on the other line 

“We missed you too, I’m sorry if I didn’t get to stay long after I dropped Leo off, I just really needed to get on this plane as soon as possible.” Her dad explained and Toni ran a hand through her hair as she glanced at her brother who was sleeping on her bed, cuddling the stuffed toy she got him last Christmas, she couldn’t help but smile at this. 

“It’s cool dad, I get it. I’m glad you came to me” She said after and there was silence on the end for a while and Toni knew that he was just waiting to ask about her.

“Is she..? I mean are you going to be all right?” He finally asked worry evident in his voice and Toni inhaled sharply, glancing out through the blinds looking cautiously out the window towards the busy street as cars rushed pass and as usual there was no sight of her. 

“I don’t think she’ll be home again dad, but I won’t let Leo out of my sight,” There was then a tense silence and Toni could hear speaking on the other end meaning he had to go 

“We’re about to board the plane now Toni, take care of yourself and your brother.”

“Okay dad,” 

“I love you, both of you,” He said then ended the call and Toni stood there in silence for a while before she dropped her phone on the table and sat at the desk chair beside her bed where her brother was asleep. 

Toni had missed Leo so much, last time she’d seen him was when she gave him that stuffed penguin he was clutching onto right now. His skin had gotten tanner now, probably thanks to him playing football. But his face remained the same, soft and almost carefree which was exactly what Toni wanted for him. She wouldn’t want him to see the things she’d seen and heard the things she’d heard. 

Her phone then vibrates in her pocket and she takes it out to see a text from Martha:

‘are we still up for later?’ 

Toni thinks for a moment glancing at Leo who was still very much asleep before replying 

‘can’t. leo’s here, wanna hit the park instead?’ 

Toni doesn’t even have time to wait before Martha’s calling her, she immediately answers not wanting to wake Leo up from the ringing.

“Since when did Leo get there?” Martha asked right away excitement in her voice 

“Just this morning, my dad dropped him off had to go on this business trip for two weeks.” She said quietly and looking out the fire escape window in her room. 

“Can I see him? Oh my God I hadn’t seen him in like more than a year.” Martha asked and Toni could hear shuffling on the other end as if her best friend was already preparing to come over right away.

“Yeah of course, but he’s asleep right now, we’ll meet you in the park when he wakes up?” The moment Toni said that Leo was asleep, Martha’s end became silent as sighed and she could almost see her dropping her car keys back and trudging up the stairs in disdain and Toni chuckled.

“Okay Toni, call me when… you know.” She said and Toni immediately understood what that meant as the call ended. 

She was thankful for Martha, they had been friends ever since they were kids and she knew so much about Toni even the things that she wished Martha would forget about her. But it was good having someone to talk to about these things, she’d always call Toni strong but she never believed it. 

After an hour Toni was making a sandwich in the small kitchen when she saw someone rubbing their eyes who had a small penguin beside him. She stopped what she was doing and approached him, kneeling down in front of him as he started to register who it was.

“Hey Leo,” Toni said softly and immediately the boy’s eyes went wide and he leaped into her arms dropping the toy. He had his arms around her neck, hugging her tightly and Toni did the same, carrying him and pulling away to see his face with a wide grin.

“Toni! I missed you” He said when she put him down and immediately took the penguin from the floor. 

“I missed you too Leo,” She said and he glanced at the table where Toni just was 

“What are you making?” he asked trying to look above the counter and Toni ruffled his hair

“Making a sandwich, you want one?” She asked and he was hesitant until Toni added “It’s Nutella,” which made him nod more confidently now. 

After they had eaten and grabbed Leo’s soccer ball from his bag, they were walking toward the park which was about 15 minutes away. 

Toni made sure that Leo was holding her hand the entire time and Leo happily obliged as he sometimes jumped from one step to another which Toni didn’t mind at all. The two arrived at the park and there were few people there, a couple having a picnic, a girl with her dog and people playing with a frisbee. Before Toni and Leo could find a spot, her brother had let go of her hand so abruptly that Toni turned her head toward where he was so fast it almost hurt, until she saw that he was hugging Martha.

She sighed in relief and made her way towards them the ball still under her arm. 

“Hey Marty,” Toni said and Martha put a finger on her lips and mouthed ‘Shh, we’re having a moment,’ as she and Leo hugged a little while longer. 

Leo then grabbed the ball from Toni and he proceeded to play by himself, kicking the ball in all sorts of directions but making sure not to kick it too far like what Toni had asked him to. 

She and Martha were sitting at the park bench just talking until Martha asked

“How are you going to train when Leo’s here,” Toni clasped her hands together trying to think, she honestly hadn’t thought about her responsibilities at all since Leo had arrived. She was too preoccupied with him being here that she forgot about her other priorities like basketball. They were training extra hard this summer especially since they’re trying to get higher in their rank and she really needed them to get the attention of larger universities.

“Maybe I can ask coach if I could bring him with me during practices.” Toni was already thinking of ways to create an excuse as to why she had to bring his 4-year-old brother with her and why she couldn’t leave him with their parent. 

“I can watch him when I’m not working late,” Martha offered and Toni was about to thank her but say no until she looked to see Martha giving her the ‘I’m going to do it even if you don’t agree with me’ face which Toni knew is not worth fighting 

“Thanks Marty, I owe you big time,” She said and Martha just flipped her hand as if to say ‘no big deal’ with a smile on her face.  
Toni was about to say something when she saw that Leo was kicking the ball toward someone, and her gaze followed the object and it landed on the foot of a tall blonde girl who was wearing white shorts and a grey sweater who also kicked the ball toward Leo. 

She had no idea who this girl was and she didn’t look like she was from around here. Toni would’ve recognized her if she was. She was playing with Leo and when Toni saw her brother having even more fun she couldn’t help but smile in their direction.

“Wow she’s hot,” Martha said beside her and Toni looked at her weirdly 

“What?” Toni asked and Martha motioned to the girl 

“Leo’s new friend, she kind of seems like your type Toni,” She hadn’t really paid attention to the girl’s face so when she looked back and couldn’t see her anymore she shrugged at Martha. 

“Guess I’ll never know,”


	2. chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, hit me with what u think, i honestly don't know if i'm writing this great or terribly so let me know if that's cool hehe

“Come on, come on, come on!” Leo was saying as he was grabbed Toni’s hand with both of his, trying to pull her faster into the venue which was basically like a patch of green where her community would hold annual events over the summer for the kids, and Toni was always one of the facilitators. She was never really into this kind of thing but as years passed, she missed her brother and saw that being around kids helped soothe that but this time Leo was here and she couldn’t be happier. 

“Calm down you might trip,” She said as he let her go and ran around, there were already a bunch of kids, and their parents to one side sitting at the pavilion enjoying the food. 

“TONI!” She heard someone shout from the side and immediately was engulfed in a hug that almost made her fall over. 

“Fatin? Since when did you get back?” Toni asked in disbelief as she pulled away from her friend with a wide grin on her face. Fatin had been away for about a month for a trip with her aunt, something about self-discovery but Toni knew Fatin just wanted to get away for a while. Toni should’ve known she’d be back in time for the event since it is her family that sponsors this whole thing.

“Last night, I passed out the moment we got home and didn’t get to tell you guy

“Do the others know?” Toni asked 

“Not yet, I’m planning on surprising them want to come with?” Fatin wiggled her eyebrows and Toni was about to agree when she realized she couldn’t 

“You know I would, but I can’t,” Toni said giving her an apologetic look and Fatin tilted her head to the side asking a silent question. 

She was about to speak when someone tugged at her shirt from behind and saw Leo 

“Toni can I have my ball?” He asked excitedly and she swung the duffle bag to her front and took the ball out, giving it to Leo who ran back to where he was, looking back at Fatin who was eyeing the boy questioningly 

“I thought you weren’t into guys? How’d the kid come along?” She asked and Toni’s eyes widened then glared at her 

“What the fuck, Fatin. That’s Leo” Fatin looked past her and eyed her brother weirdly before shrugging

“Okay, that explains the resemblance, but why can’t you come?” She asks stubbornly 

“Because I have to watch him and I can’t go drinking my ass off while he’s here.” Toni explained glancing back at Leo who was running around kicking the ball probably playing with the other kids 

Fatin sighs knowing that Toni won’t ever even consider getting a babysitter for Leo and she tells her that if she changes her mind, they’d be at their usual place then went away to go to her mom. 

Toni sighed and looked up at the bright sky, it was getting incredibly hot now and so she set out to check on Leo who was as she suspected playing but not with the other kids who were doing something else. But with another girl, Toni didn’t see her face but she was certain this was the same girl from the park. She made her way toward them and as she got closer she couldn’t help but admire the girl.

She was tall and had her blonde hair in a ponytail with a white cap on, she was wearing black shorts and a white shirt to match. When the girl glanced up after kicking the ball toward Leo, Toni stopped in her tracks. She was gorgeous. She shook herself out of staring and called him

“Leo!” Her brother kicked the ball away from himself and ran toward Toni who was crouching down 

“You alright?” She asked as he was heaving quite a bit but still had this huge smile on his face nodding.

“Shelly plays really good!” Leo pointed at the girl who walked toward them and Toni stood up clearing her throat 

“It’s Shelby actually but it’s all good,” She smiled at Leo who only stared at her before speaking 

“She’s really pretty right Toni?” Leo tried for a whisper but both girls heard it and Shelby only laughed as he kept squinting at her, the sun shining on his face 

“You don’t look too bad yourself Leo,” She then looked at Toni as she extended her hand “I’m Shelby,” 

Toni didn’t realize she hadn’t introduced herself before shaking her hand, “Toni, Leo’s sister,” She said and immediately felt like an idiot, she probably already knew that. There was an awkward silence of Leo looking at the two alternately as if he couldn’t wait to get out of this situation, Toni tried to look anywhere else but at Shelby while the other girl did the opposite and she felt self-conscious, luckily the taller girl spoke

“I’m new around here, my family just moved about a week ago,” 

That explains it, Toni thought 

“How are you liking it here?” Toni asked, it was the first question that popped into her head and it sucked so bad

“It’s hotter,” She said with an undertone that made her cough after, which confused Toni a bit but she let it slide 

“So, do you have a brother or sister out there?” Toni asked motioning to the kids who were now chasing one another with sticks which must be really entertaining 

Shelby shook her head “I’m just here to help out, my aunt is friends with Miss Jadmani and she signed me up.” She then looked at Leo who was covering his eyes with the top of his hand as the sun continued to blind him. Shelby removed her cap and placed it on Leo’s head who looked up at her

“You can keep that for now,” She winked and Toni was about to say something when they were called to start the events for that day. 

It was really good seeing her brother so happy, every year that Toni was doing this she’d always think about how if Leo were here he’d be as happy as the kids she had to watch over and now he actually was. She could hear his laugh and cheers during every game and the way he always adjusted the cap on his head not wanting to take it off even when the sun was beginning to set.

The last game was football and Shelby was the playing the referee, she would run with the kids and give Leo a high five every time she blew the whistle. She seemed so carefree, like she didn’t have a single problem in this shit world, Toni felt sad thinking about that.

They finished everything at around 5pm and about half an hour before that Fatin had approached her about to say goodbye 

“Are you sure you don’t want to come? You can even bring Leo along he can play golf with my dad’s expensive watches for all I care!” She started to persuade her and Toni looked at back at Leo who was sitting on the bench once again with Shelby. Toni was thinking if she should be jealous or not but when the other girl met her eyes she decided it wasn’t a fair fight.

“Holy shit is that Shelby Goodkind?” Fatin asked as she followed where Toni was looking and she looked at her friend 

“You know her?” Fatin nodded

“Kind of, my mom told me about this family that had volunteered to help, turns out the dad’s kind of a freak” She shrugged but was still eyeing Shelby as if trying to decipher if she was a freak too

“She doesn’t seem like it, Leo likes him a lot,” Toni said as Fatin continued eyeing her

“Yeah well, I hope she isn’t like her dad, anyway I’ve got to go, please try to come!” Fatin said as she grabbed her phone and started to call someone, probably Dot or Leah. Toni was actually intrigued as to why Mrs. Jadmani would call Shelby’s dad a freak but Fatin had walked out on her before she could ask. 

She made her way toward Leo and Shelby and as she got closer she heard about what they were talking about 

“Yeah! Toni got me a penguin,” 

“Is that so? I’d like a penguin too if that’s the case,” 

“You should ask Toni where she got my penguin,” Immediately Leo stood up and took Toni’s hand as Shelby also did and checked her phone 

“You ready to go?” She asked looking down at Leo who was hesitant as she looked up at Shelby who had a frown on her face as she looked at her phone. Probably a text from someone but Toni didn’t want to ask. She wasn’t going to pry information out of a girl she met just today. Shelby looked at Leo who was looking at her with a kind of sad look in his eyes and she knelt down to his level

“Why don’t you keep that for me? So that we have a reason to see each other again,” Shelby smiled and Leo immediately nodded his head then looked at Toni 

“Would that be alright?” Shelby asked looking at Toni this time

“If Leo’s cool with it then so am I,” She said and Shelby nodded before speaking again

“Do you guys have a ride? I’ve got a car I can take you guys home,” She offered and Leo spoke before Toni could respond

“Yes! Shelby take us home! I’m tired I don’t want to walk to the bus stop Toni,” Leo looked up at her with such sad eyes that Toni instantly felt bad that she was going to do that if Shelby hadn’t offered.


	3. chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope everyone has a great day

As they made their way toward Shelby’s car, Leo walked in front of them leaving the two within distance from him.

“My brother seems to like you a lot,” Toni said and Shelby had a huge smile on her face when she said that

“He’s real adorable you know, hard not to like him too,” She replied 

“Hope he doesn’t want you to be his sister instead of me,” Toni joked and Shelby looked at her with an ‘are you serious?’ look on her face 

“There is no way Toni, when I got to talking to him you were all he talked about,” Toni’s face flushed at that feeling embarrassed, she asked Shelby what kind of things Leo had told her and she thought for a moment before responding  
“Well he said you played basketball, got him a penguin, always called on Fridays and that…” Shelby hesitated before softly saying, “He wishes he could stay here, with you” 

Toni looked away at Shelby as she said that last part, and the other girl was nice or sensitive enough not to ask what Leo had meant

They got inside to her car and Leo rode at the back with Toni in the passenger side, within a couple of minutes into the ride Leo was curled up at the back sleeping and Toni bit her lip as silence took over the entire vehicle

“He lives with my dad and I live here with my mom,” Toni said and Shelby glanced at her before looking back at the road, “That’s why we rarely see each other,” 

“Leo told me you were his hero,” Shelby said then smiled at Toni who said nothing “You beat Thor apparently,” She added and Toni laughed at that 

“So, what made you guys move here?” Toni asked wanting to shift the topic away from her 

“My parents, they got a job opportunity and luckily I’ve got an aunt from here, we’re staying with her while we get settled in,” Shelby explained 

After a while they finally made it to the apartment building where Toni lived and it wasn’t the friendliest part of the town but hey it was home for her. She’s been here ever since her dad left, she hasn’t known anything else for a long time but this. 

“Just pull over there,” Toni said and Shelby obliged but as she pulled to a stop, she saw her apartment window on the second floor with line shining out and instantly she felt herself getting sick. 

“Uh is that your place?” Shelby asked following Toni’s line of sight and the intense look she has on her face. She wasn’t able to respond right away but instead looked back at Leo who was still fast asleep and looked over at Shelby 

“Can you stay out here with Leo for a few minutes? I need to check the place out real quick,” She said and Shelby had a worried look on her face as she responded,

“Yes, okay sure,” She knew better than to ask what it was about, well right now at least, Toni eased at that and though she might feel bad for making Shelby stay maybe past her curfew she couldn’t risk it 

“Thank you, I’ll be back soon,” Toni simply said and got out of Shelby’s car who as she got out heard the car doors lock and she was grateful for that.

Toni made her way toward the door of their apartment and it was closed, it was about 7:30pm now and she never left the place with the lights on. She didn’t even need to use her keys to enter since the door was already unlocked. She walked inside and nothing seemed out of place which started to ease her worries but had to be sure that no one else was inside 

“Mom?” Toni called out then waited a few moments and was met with silence, she didn’t know whether to be relieved or not but then just as she was starting to feel relaxed she saw her bedroom door wide open

She went inside and saw that her drawers and closet door was opened wide, as if someone had gone through them. She saw that most of her things were out of place, some clothes were thrown on the bed, textbooks from the previous semester on the floor and finally the box she kept under her bed was now on her nightstand. 

Toni grabbed it and wasn’t even shocked anymore when she saw that it was empty, she sat on her bed and sighed, she didn’t know if she was feeling disappointed, angry, or fucked that she probably should’ve seen this coming from a mile away. All of her savings from that shitty job at the cinema had suddenly gone and she had a few ideas as to where her money was now being used and she knew it was always going to be like this. Before she could sit there for longer she heard rain starting to pour and she ran down right away to get to Shelby but not before grabbing an umbrella by the door

She knocked on the window and immediately it rolled down, the rain was raging now and Toni felt herself getting pissed at how this was all happening, what she had just witnessed now sinking in. 

“Are you alright?” Shelby asked tentatively and Toni almost scoffed but bit her lip instead and nodded

“Yeah it was nothing, left the light on accidentally” She lied and it was a weak attempt but Shelby didn’t question her further. “Can you get Leo? I’ll hold the umbrella,” Toni said as she made her way to Shelby’s side of the car and when they were both under that’s when Toni realized that her umbrella was not appropriate to fit two people under and so Shelby and her were close that their shoulders were touching

Shelby opened the backside’s door and Toni couldn’t hear what she was saying but handed Toni the gym bag they had brought with Leo’s things then pulled Leo out who was still asleep, which was really impressive considering how the rain was getting angrier by the minute. The boy had her arms around Shelby’s neck as they made their way towards the entrance of the apartment. 

Toni then closed the umbrella and held her arms out for Leo who as Shelby tried to pass on, didn’t budge 

“Maybe I can carry him inside?” Shelby asked 

“Won’t your parents come looking for you?” Toni wondered and Shelby shook her head 

“I don’t really have a curfew,” She said as Toni led her inside and up to their apartment. When they got inside Leo finally let Shelby go as she placed him carefully on the couch 

“Hey I appreciate you doing this, what with the ride and all,” Toni thanked and Shelby shrugged 

“It’s no big deal,” She smiled and the way her words sounded so genuine made Toni feel even more grateful, “Uh do you actually have a shirt or something I could borrow? I’m kind of wet,” Shelby said and that’s when Toni realized that the small umbrella she had really wasn’t going to cut it

“Yeah sure, let me get something,” Toni made her way toward her room again, her things still out of place as she grabbed the first hoodie from her closet and passed it to Shelby who excused herself to the bathroom to change into it. 

When she came out only then did Toni realize that she had given her team’s basketball hoodie the one with her surname at the back 

“Thanks Toni,” Shelby said and before Toni knew what she was doing she spoke

“Do you want to get food?” Shelby was taken aback but smiled as Toni continued to talk, “We can get takeout? My treat?” 

It probably wasn’t the smartest move considering that almost all her savings were gone, but she still had some money in her wallet plus this was her way of saying thanks to Shelby. 

“I’d like that”


	4. chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi for those tuning in, thank you it means a lot hope it isn't too slow for u guys

Toni had woken up the following day at 5am sweating and panicked, she had a nightmare. As her eyes adjusted to the light or lack thereof, she started to calm down. She had fallen asleep on the couch next to Leo who had been there since last night. As she wonders why they slept there in the first place, she remembers that her bed still hadn’t been cleared of the things that were thrown there.

But as she thought back to last night she also couldn’t forget how Shelby was there for most of it. She checked her phone and saw that there was a text from an unknown number: 

‘thanks for dinner p.s pineapples do go on pizza’

She shook her head then took a quick shower and started to put things back to where they were, clothes being neatly folded, books back on shelves and other junk back in their respective drawers. The last thing she had to put back was the box on her nightstand which now that she thought about it, has no use for it anymore. As she was about to throw the empty box on the trash bin, she glanced at her desk, the simple wooden table that had two small drawers on the right and all her things on top of it. 

She tossed the box away and sat on her desk chair, and silently prayed which she never did, hoping that it was still there. She felt under the table and sighed in relief when she self the bump that was in contrast to the smooth wood. She thanked whatever god was out there, grateful that everything wasn’t lost. 

When Leo had woken up he had a huge grin on his face with his messy hair Toni couldn’t help but think about how she was going to miss seeing his face.

“Are we going to the park later?” He asked as he ate the scrambled eggs Toni had prepared for the both of them but it was Monday now and Toni had practice for basketball later before her final semester starts. She gives Leo a sad smile before responding 

“Sorry buddy, I’ve got basketball practice later but Marty will stay with you while I’m gone,” Leo frowned but nodded in understanding, they spent the rest of the morning playing games in the apartment no matter how cramped it was. They played some hide and seek which consisted with a lot of screaming and laughter from the both of them. 

When it was time for Toni to leave she texted Martha who opted to come over to the apartment instead of having her drop Leo off. 

“I really owe you for doing this,” Toni said as she put her basketball shoes on while glancing at the clock

“It’s no big deal, honestly” Martha said softly and Toni saw her glance at Leo who was currently standing on the couch wearing an old pair of bright orange goggles and Toni’s blue blanket while pretending to use his penguin stuffed toy as a shield

“Call me if you need anything okay?” Toni said finally as she finished and stood up with her bag by her side. Martha simply nodded as she approached Leo 

“Hey, be nice to Marty okay?” She reminded and Leo simply nodded then wrapped his tiny arms around Toni’s neck 

“Will you be home late?” He asked his voice kind of muffled by her shoulder and she shook her head 

“I’ll be home as soon as I can,” Leo nodded against her then let her go saying his goodbyes to her.

Toni decided that jogging to campus was a great idea of warming up so that’s what she did. She got there already sweaty and made her way through the place where the swim team practiced, it was the longer route to the court but she just had to say hello

“Hey Rachel,” Toni said as the girl resurfaced after an amazing dive 

“Dude don’t ‘hey’ me, you ditched us yesterday,” She said trying to sound annoyed but Toni knew she wasn’t 

“Oh come on, I had to,” Toni shrugged then looked behind her to see Nora by the bleachers reading a book, and she could see tissues on her other hand “Nora understands, right Nora?” Toni added making the last part audible for the girl on the stands to hear and she immediately closed the book and nodded 

“Yes, yep I understand,” She said and Toni laughed as Rachel rolled her eyes 

“You better get going captain, a bunch of your teammates are already there,” Rachel said as Toni helped her get out of the pool 

“How hard have you been training?” Toni then asked knowing that Rachel wanted the same thing she did, a chance. 

“I practice with coach about four times a week, then do stuff on my own on the weekends,” 

“Don’t push yourself too hard Rachel,” Toni said as she began to stand up and the other girl laughed at that 

“Says you Shalifoe,” 

When Toni got to the court, they started doing a bunch of drills and practice plays, she was giving it all she could, trying to improve as much as she could no matter how simple it may seem. As bad as it may sound, she relied on basketball to get her somewhere, she wasn’t even sure if she wanted to leave entirely, but it would be good to have a place to go to when the home she’s known starts feeling like something else. 

They now had a 15-minute water break and her coach pulled her aside for a second 

“Toni, I know how much you want to capture the big fish but you have to take care of yourself,” Her coach said sternly but with a sympathetic look in his eyes 

“I am coach, I’m not letting go of myself,” She said and she actually believed it but her coach still had that same unwavering look on his face 

“Look, all I’m saying is you don’t have to be so hard on yourself. I know you’ve been sneaking in here even when we don’t have practice I asked Paul, told me you stay here for hours on end. You’re good Toni I’ve known that ever since you first tried out for my team years ago but you have to learn when to stop and let someone else takeover, you’ve got teammates ready to back you up whenever you need to. There’s no need for you to work so hard all the time,” He said and Toni didn’t think Paul would rat her out considering it was the old janitor who gave him access to the court even when it wasn’t allowed. 

But what coach had said, struck Toni, this was the first time in a long time that she was told not to take things so hard when she knew that she always did. She somehow balanced everything out from part time jobs, to practices and school even if her dad did send her money whenever he could, Toni never solely relied on him, on someone else, she guesses that’s what happens when you’ve been so used to it.

“Thank you, I’ll try not to overdo it again,” She said genuinely and her coach’s features finally relaxed, he was about to walk away when Toni spoke, “Hey coach,” He turned back around waiting for her to continue

“My brother’s here for two weeks and I can’t really leave him alone would it be okay if I brought him here when no one can watch him?” She bit her lip, anxious to see if her coach would question her why he’d be alone in the first place but instead shrugged 

“Sure, it’d be nice for him to see how greatly his sister plays,” He smiled and Toni thanked him again before they started again.

They were now playing a game against one another, she was wearing a black jersey along with her teammates while the other wore white. She really enjoys games like these since usually her entire team places bets and the losing team usually has to do something embarrassing and Toni did not want to get humiliated anytime soon 

The game was tied with only a few seconds remaining and the ball was in their possession, they took their time trying to drain the clock before they did one final shot that would make them win when the gym doors opened and one of the cheerleaders went in with someone in tow, and Toni met her eyes and was in such disbelief that she didn’t even realize her teammate passed the ball toward her and it hit her hard on the head as the time runout causing them to play another 5 minutes, but Toni fell on the floor clutching her head.

“Shit Toni, sorry I thought you knew I’d pass to you,” her teammate apologized and she just shook her head 

“No, fuck I’m sorry, I got-“

“Are you okay?” The girl that caused Toni to get distracted asked cutting her off, when she met her eyes she knew she was trying hard not to laugh 

“What are you doing here Shelby?”


	5. chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stay safe guys, i love erana and mia <33

“Maybe before you can question me I can help you get on your feet,” Shelby smirked as Toni groaned but took her hand anyway when they were face to face Toni was staring at her waiting for her to answer her question but Shelby continued to gaze back at her and only then did Toni realize how green her eyes were.

“I study here now,” Shelby said after a few moments only then figuring that the cheerleader who she was with and Toni’s team were watching them. 

“Since when?” Toni asked blinking and Shelby looked at her amused 

“Since we moved here? I needed to continue my education, I wasn’t just some pageant princess back in Texas y’know,” She explained and Toni asked another question

“But the semester doesn’t start til next week, what are you doing here?” 

“I’m part of the cheerleading team,” She motioned to the person she was with who Toni realized was probably giving her a tour of the campus and she felt so stupid she wished her teammate would hit her with the ball again. 

“Shelby? We should go the other girls are probably here already,” The cheerleader who Toni never bothered to know the name of even if she’d seen her a few times at the hallway spoke up and the blonde girl nodded before looking back at Toni

“Try not to get hit by any more balls,” She winked laughing and Toni felt her cheeks heating up then getting pissed at herself for thinking that was hot. One of her teammates whistled when the two left the gym. 

“Bet the entire football team would be by her feet when the season starts,” One of her teammates, Frankie, said 

“No way a girl like her isn’t gay though,” 

“I honestly think Toni would be the one to get her, they already know each other plus that wasn’t very subtle staring, captain” Azzi the girl who passed her the ball but hit her head said wiggling her eyebrows and Toni glared at her. 

They finished the game finally, and it was almost 8pm, Toni’s team actually ended up winning and so she let her teammates decide what the losers had to do, as she explained to them that she had to get home and relieve Martha of responsibility. Toni knew that for a girl it was dangerous to walk the streets, especially alone, but the bus stop wasn’t near until 10 more minutes. Then a car pulled over in front of her and she recognized it right away, the window of the driver’s side rolled down and Shelby’s face popped out.

“I hear it’s gonna rain again, you should get in,” Toni obliged and sat at the passenger seat as Shelby drove again.

“How’s your head?” She asked trying to stifle a laugh as Toni glared at her

“You know I was just shocked to see you again, I’ve been seeing you so much these past few days it was getting kind of scary,” Toni admitted and it was true, first on that day in the park, then the event by Fatin’s family and now this. 

“I think it’s great, maybe this is the universe telling us something,” Shelby shrugged smiling and Toni laughed at that

“You believe that shit? What could it be possibly saying?” The blonde girl simply shrugged 

“Guess we’ll have to find out,” 

“So, a cheerleader huh? Should’ve known.” Toni said and she could feel Shelby looking at her

“Actually, this is the first time I’m going to be one, I was a football player back in my hometown,” She shrugged and Toni looked at her weirdly 

“Why on earth would you trade that for cheerleading?” Shelby bit her lip and waited a moment before responding 

“My dad didn’t enjoy that I was playing a boy’s sport,” She said that so quietly that Toni almost didn’t heat but she did and she was in such disbelief that she couldn’t help the words from escaping

“That’s bullshit, what the fuck,” 

“It’s okay I guess, maybe I can enjoy cheering for the football players instead of playing,” She said but Toni could hear that she was hurt and it sucked how people still tried to categorize people according to what they perceive to be gender norms 

“I’m sure the football players would be cheering for you too,” Toni then said after and Shelby laughed

“They can try,” Toni was about to ask something when her phone rang 

“Hello?” 

“Toni! Are you going home soon?” She heard Leo’s voice on the other end then smiled

“Yeah bud, I’m almost there Shelby’s actually with me want to say hi?” Before he even heard him say yes excitedly, she had already put her phone on speaker

“Hey Leo,” Shelby said happily 

“Hi Shelby, bring Toni back I miss her,” Toni bit her lip at this as they stopped at the red light making Shelby glance at her 

“I’ll bring her right back to you,” 

“Yay! Thank you, bye Toni Marty made tacos!” Then the call ended right away and was followed by a text from Martha

‘sorry! leo said he wanted to talk to you but I wasn’t sure if u were on ur way home’

‘it’s cool, I’m almost home.’

Toni smiled happily and Shelby couldn’t help but speak

“You seem to love him so much,” Toni shook her head at this before responding

“You have no idea,” 

When they reached the apartment building, the rain had turned into a slight drizzle and Toni stayed inside for a while before talking

“Thanks for the ride again, I think I’m going to have to start keeping pizzas to pay you off,” 

Shelby laughed at this which made her eyes seem so much lighter even in the dark inside of her car

“It’s not a big deal Toni, you can pay me off some other way,” Shelby replied and she felt confident until Toni looked at her wide eyes and only then did she realize what she had said, “God no wait, that sounded so wrong I didn’t mean,” 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Toni said and winked at Shelby the same way she did earlier and Shelby stiffened making Toni laugh as she got out of the car and made her way inside

When she got inside the two were watching TV and it seemed to be playing Monsters Inc., when Leo saw her he got up and hugged Toni. Martha paused the movie and made her way to her.

“Thank you Marty,” The other girl simply nodded at her with a smile

“So who drove you home?” Martha asked when Leo went back to watching the movie leaving the two alone in the small kitchen 

“Just this friend Leo made who coincidentally now also studies at my school,” Toni said drinking from a glass of water 

“What she look like?” 

“Tall, blonde, green eyes” Toni tried to think of other adjectives when Martha cut her off

“Hot? Sexy? Your type?” She choked at this and felt her cheeks going red

“What? No of course not! Plus I don’t even think she’s into girls,” Toni denied but it was no use 

“I sure hope I get to meet her,” Martha said smirking at Toni who just stared at her

“You will, when you watch one of our games, she’s a cheerleader,” 

“A cheerleader? And a basketball captain, now where have I heard this before,” She teased and Toni rolled her eyes at her best friend 

Martha then left half an hour later as Toni took a quick shower before asking Leo to get ready for bed, he actually stays in her bed while she stays on the couch which can lead to some real sore necks these past nights. As she tucked him into bed he spoke in a soft voice that Toni almost didn’t hear 

“When dad picks me up will you come back with us?” Leo asked and Toni felt her heart break

“I don’t really know Leo, but maybe when I finish school this year I can move to be with you and dad,” 

Leo simply nodded until Toni asked

“Do you want to talk to him?” 

Toni called her dad as Leo and him talked for a few minutes until he handed the phone back to her. 

“Hey dad,” Toni said as she kissed Leo’s forehead goodnight and closed the door 

“Toni, you are staying with us after you finish high school right?” He asked and she should’ve known that Leo would’ve tried to ask him about it.

“I don’t know yet dad, honestly there are still a few months to go,” She heard a sigh on the other end

“We both know how things would be better if you were here with me and Leo, how they would be easier for you,” He said the last part pointedly 

“Yeah dad, no I understand, I just need to think about it.”   
When the call ended Toni tried not to think about the things her dad had told her about, how everything would be if she moved in with Leo and him. 

Toni wanted ease more than anything but she wasn’t sure if she was willing to leave everything behind.


	6. chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the story will get better i promise, i'm sorry x

The following day Toni had to train in the afternoon again but this time Martha wasn’t available to watch him so she brought Leo with her.

“Now you’ve got to remember not leave the gym otherwise you might get lost alright?” Toni said holding his hand as they got off the bus, Leo was wearing Shelby’s cap over his head which they still hadn’t had time to return and he nodded at her but the thing still covered his eyes. 

When they got inside the gym Toni sat him down on one of the benches but not before greeting her coach who smiled down at Leo who in response grinned wide even though they couldn’t see it with the cap still covering his face. Toni sat him down and flipped the hat around so that she could see him, his curly hair being seen as well as his brown eyes that people used to say they matched when he was a lot younger. 

“You’ve got to behave alright buddy?” Toni said kneeling down to his level and Leo put his hands on her face then smiled

“Promise,” She took his hands in her own and kissed them making him giggle, when the coach had called them to the center and they started. 

Toni was focusing really hard, even though her coach did say to take it easy she couldn’t help but feel anxious that the games were starting so soon, they already had a game on Monday morning which was starting to get on her nerves. From time to time she would glance at Leo who was by the edge of the court kicking the soccer ball they brought against the wall. 

She lost track of time and when it was time for a short break she drank some water from her bottle then looked to where Leo was, when he suddenly wasn’t there. She stood up trying to glance around for him when her coach spoke behind him 

“He went out to the field, actually asked permission from me if he was allowed to,” Her coach said 

“Is he alone?” Toni asked and he shrugged but thought for a moment

“I don’t think so, I think someone was waiting for him out by the doors,” Toni started feeling incredibly anxious as to who might’ve invited her brother, but she tried to think better of it knowing that Leo knew better than to follow strangers, but still she had to see him.

She got out to the football field to see on the right the football players playing on one end while on the bleachers sat a bunch of girls, probably some of the cheerleaders watching the boys play which Toni never found the appeal of until she looked left and saw Leo with his cap still on backwards playing with none other than Shelby herself. She made her way over to them and they stopped playing when she was close

“Hey,” Shelby greeted a smile on her face 

“Hi,” Toni said back then looked at Leo who was glancing between them 

“I saw Shelby and went to go play with her,” He suddenly explained putting his hands behind his back as if to show he didn’t do anything wrong, Toni looked at the other girl and shrugged

“Sorry to steal him, but I was getting bored over there,” She pointed toward the girls who one of them had just screamed as one of the players removed his shirt making Toni look away as fast as possible 

“Are you not into that?” Toni teased and saw the horror flash in Shelby’s eyes 

“The girls practically forced me to come watch the boys train but I think I’d much rather look at you than them,” Shelby said with a smile until she realized what she had just said the moment Toni’s cheeks turned red and she looked down at the grass, deeming it more interesting than Shelby’s eyes.

“I’ve got to go back, we’ll almost be done in an hour do you want to get food after? If you aren’t going anywhere else,” Toni offered and Shelby momentarily glanced behind her at her friends who probably didn’t even notice she was gone

“Sure, I’d love to,” She said as Toni ran back inside the gym eager to finish this last hour. 

About half an hour later, Leo and Shelby were inside the court by the bleachers watching Toni play. She felt kind of pressured seeing Shelby stare at her so intensely even from all the way up there, but she snapped herself out of watching the other girl and instead paid attention to the game, not wanting to get hit again especially with Shelby watching her, she’d probably make fun of Toni again.

“Dude your girlfriend is so hot,” Her teammate said next to her and Toni glared at her before muttering

“She’s not my girlfriend,” 

“Could’ve fooled me captain”

“Shut up and pass me the ball,” Toni said and her teammate simply put her hands up in surrender as they continued playing, and just as what Toni had asked getting the ball she weaved through the defenders in front of her left and right not dribbling the ball as she jumped and made a perfect layup that made the others stare in awe that also made her coach shout:

“That was great Toni!” 

“Yay Toni! Woohoo!” She heard from the bleachers to see Leo jumping up and down a proud look on his face and beside him Shelby had the same look of adoration as the others but somehow only hers made Toni feel even better. 

When they finished Toni was sweating like crazy and asked Shelby and Leo to wait just a few more minutes while she showered, her teammates opted to get home instead of staying in the gym longer. The coach had given her the keys and reminded her not to forget to turn the lights off. As she was drying her hair she didn’t hear that Shelby had entered the locker room

“Hey I was just looking for you Leo’s- Oh God,” She said trying to look at anywhere else but Toni which confused her until she realized that she was wearing nothing but shorts and her bra on, she didn’t really think it was a big deal, she and her teammates always saw each other like this, some of them even preferred it this way 

“Sorry,” Toni simply apologized and tried looking for her shirt when Shelby met her eyes panicked

“No! Wait I’m sorry I was just shocked don’t do anything,” She said and immediately felt more embarrassed as Toni gave her an amused look, “I didn’t mean- Lord” She sighed and Toni laughed as she put her sweater on not trying to notice Shelby’s staring as to not embarrass her again

“What were you saying?” Toni finally asked and Shelby shook her head before responding

“Right, uh Leo he said he wanted a burger for dinner,” Luckily Toni’s dad had sent her money last night a bit of extra since Leo’s here and so she obliged with his request. As they walked out of the locker room Toni couldn’t help but tease Shelby

“Was that the first time you’ve seen a body as hot as mine?” She smirked and Shelby stopped in her tracks turning red that Toni laughed and said “I’m just kidding, calm down,” 

She saw Leo who was trying to dribble the ball with his small hands and ran to Toni the moment he saw her 

“You have to teach me how to play basketball like you do Toni!” Leo excitedly said 

“Sure buddy, whenever you want,” Toni replied as she placed the ball back and held Leo’s hand while Shelby followed behind

“Can we play tomorrow? Please?” Leo asked looking at Toni with a frown on his face and she couldn’t believe he was playing this card

“Sure but there’s no need to rush buddy, we’ve got all the time in the world to figure this out,” Toni said but as she said that last part she glanced at Shelby who was smiling in her direction.


	7. chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is this better? i think so HAHAHA let me know :))

They crossed the street onto this burger joint that Toni and her teammates usually went to after practices, they were practically friends with most of the employees there already. Upon entering the guy behind the cashier who looked to be in his late 30s gleamed at Toni

“Well, well if it isn’t miss Toni Shalifoe herself, back to get a lesson in basketball?” She laughed at this before responding

“Now we wouldn’t want you to break your back now would we, Jake?” Toni smirked and the guy cackled at this before pointing at her 

“This is why you’re my favourite!” His eyes drifted to the little boy who was holding onto Toni’s hand and he smiled at him, “Now who might this be?”

“My name is Leo” He simply said then pointed at Toni “She’s my sister,” 

“And who might you be?” Jake said eyeing Shelby who had just been watching this entire time 

“I’m Shelby, Leo’s friend.” She shook Jake’s hand who looked at Toni with an amused look 

“And I thought you had game Toni, turns out your brother’s better than you at it,” This made Shelby laughed and Toni turned to look at her and she shrugged 

After they had gotten their orders, which they decided to take out so they could eat the apartment instead, they were waiting outside the building watching as cars passed by and Leo telling Shelby all about the different things he could do.

‘yeah dad no worries i brought leo with me to practice’ Toni replied when her dad had texted her   
She looked at the two in front of her as Shelby now made faces and whispered things to Leo making him laugh and smile, just a light atmosphere around the two making Toni feel warm inside. 

‘Are you with him? Can I see him?’ her dad texted back and she opened the camera on her phone and aimed it toward them 

“Leo, dad wants to see you” The boy was already smiling as Shelby tried to move away but Toni told her not to as she obliged and put her arm around Leo’s shoulders crouching to his level as he smiled wider still wearing Shelby’s cap on.

She sent the photo to her dad then shut her phone off 

“Can you send me that photo?” Shelby asked her and Toni nodded 

Jake knocked through the glass window beckoning Toni that their orders were done, Shelby volunteered to get them as she and Leo stayed outside 

“You seem to like her a lot don’t you buddy?” Toni told Leo placing her hands inside the pockets of her jacket as she knelt went down next to him and Leo nodded ecstatically 

“Yes, I like her a lot!” He replied 

“Well don’t go replacing me as your sister alright?” Toni joked 

“She’s nice and pretty, I like playing football with her” Leo said as if Toni hadn’t known that “But she’s not Toni,” He added then removed Shelby’s cap on his head and placed it on Toni’s head giggling.

“Yeah Leo you’re right, she really is nice and pretty,” She agreed

“Who is?” Shelby asked from behind her and she immediately turned to face her already thinking of an excuse when Leo beat her to it

“You are! Toni said you’re really pretty” He said innocently and Shelby raised an eyebrow at her 

“I didn’t say that,” She denied weakly and Leo looked up at Toni

“Yes you did, you said she was nice and pretty” Toni looked at Leo trying to hide her embarrassment as Shelby looked at her trying to contain a laugh 

“Well I think you’re nice too Toni,” She teased and bit her lip as Shelby adjusted the cap on her head 

“Sorry it was a bit off to the side,” She said and Toni could feel her hand hovering so closely to her face but was too occupied at the way Shelby was staring at her

“We should go before the food gets cold,” She said stepping back and holding the paper bag up 

They took Shelby’s car to the apartment building and as they got out of it Shelby’s phone rang in her pocket and asked Toni and Leo to go ahead as she took the call. The two were about to go up before Toni heard her say 

“Hey, I missed you too,” 

When Shelby got up, Toni had already put out some plates as they began eating by the kitchen counter, Leo happily munching on his burger from the couch as he watches this cartoon. 

“Sorry my mom called,” She said looking at Toni who simply nodded

“It’s cool, here,” She said handing her the last burger in the bag “She asked you to go home or something?” Toni asked as she sat across from the two of them and Shelby shook her head

“My mom’s back in Texas, there’s no way I’m going home there,” She laughed 

“Oh so you’re here with just your dad?” Toni asked and Shelby nodded looking down 

“Yeah, he and my mom kind of had a falling out my brother and sister are also back in Texas,” She said and Toni realized this must’ve been why she also seemed so attached to Leo, she probably missed her siblings more than anything. Toni knew what that felt like. She put her hand on top of Shelby’s who instantly looked at her

“I’m sure you’ll get to see them eventually.” She smiled and Shelby did the same 

“Yeah Leo actually reminds me of my little brother, he used to watch my football games and always cheered me on,” She said wistfully 

“Don’t you want to keep playing?” Toni then asked carefully and Shelby gave her a longing look as if she wants to do that more than anything

“Of course, I do I love the game but since my mom isn’t here to help me defend playing, my dad gets to decide what I do,” She sadly said and Toni realized that maybe Shelby being with her dad here, wasn’t what she wanted in the first place

“Why’d you go with him Shelby? You could’ve stayed in Texas doing what you wanted,” Toni bit her lip hoping that she hadn’t crossed some sort of invisible border and she thought Shelby was going to chew her off and instead she sighed 

“I love my dad too and when he realized my younger siblings wanted to stay with our mom, he talked to me, asking me to stay with him. He didn’t want to be alone.” She said softly and that’s when Toni saw that they were more alike than she thought

“Finn kissed Flame Princess! I think they’re boyfriend and girlfriend!” Leo said shocked running to them, his TV show abandoned as he told the two of the news 

“What? How do you even know what that is?” Toni asked him 

“Duh! I have a girlfriend too!” Leo said as if this answered everything and Toni’s eyes widened as Shelby chuckled at the revelation 

“You what?” Toni asked 

“Yeah! This girl I play football with at school, she was good and she became my girlfriend, her name’s Dani,”   
“And you asked her to be your girlfriend?” Toni questioned amused by him and he had a questioning look on his face 

“You have to ask?” Shelby laughed at this and Toni did too before responding not wanting Leo to be confused 

“Yeah buddy, you have to ask her before she becomes your girlfriend,” Leo then had a look of realization 

“Oh, okay I’ll ask her to be my girlfriend next time, dad said if I find a girl pretty she should be my girlfriend,” Leo explained and his eyes looked at Toni as if remembering something, “You said Shelby was pretty, does that mean you’re boyfriend and girlfriend?” He said shocked but with a huge grin on his face and Toni was about to respond when he faced Shelby this time before letting her speak who was watching them amused the whole time

“Do you have a boyfriend Shelby?” Leo asked a questioning look on his face and Toni actually looked at her waiting for her answer.

“No Leo I do not have a boyfriend” She responded and Leo frowned as Shelby looked at Toni with a look on her face that she didn’t exactly know what it meant, then spoke again

“Or a girlfriend.”


	8. chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw // a bit of violence and abuse, 
> 
> stay safe out there guys the world's getting even more fucked up

The night went on with the three of them watching cartoons with Leo on the couch, he was in between Shelby and Toni who were stealing glances at one another and getting caught.

Toni didn’t know what to make of what Shelby had said, sure she had her suspicions that the other girl may not have been the straightest crayon in the box but still this was different. If she didn’t know any better she would think that Shelby was making giving her hints but hints to what exactly? 

“Pst, I think Leo’s asleep,” Shelby said as Toni was shook out of her thoughts glancing at her brother who had his head in her lap and was softly snoring   
“Can you take him to my room?” Toni asked since she couldn’t really move without disturbing him and Shelby stood up then carefully took him into her arms as Toni also stood up and made her way to the kitchen, taking the plates they used and placing them in the sink

She was washing them when she heard Shelby speak behind her

“You look like her,” Toni had just finished and dried her hands on the towel then looked at Shelby who was holding a picture frame that she recognized was from her room

“Yeah? People used to say that,” She simply said sitting back on the couch as Shelby continued to study the picture 

“Leo’s cuter,” She then said handing Toni the frame and she laughed nodding her head

“Oh yeah for sure,” She took the object in her hands and couldn’t help but think about how long ago this all was, the image showed her and her mom when she was about 6, this was taken at the park a football under Toni’s foot when she used to play and her mom behind her with her arms wrapped around the younger girl both of them with the widest grins of their lives, their eyes radiating the happiness they felt during that. Toni can’t remember the last time she’d genuinely felt that way. The last time she’d felt her mom be so close to her.

“Are you okay?” Shelby asked when she saw that Toni was now frowning at the frame, concern evident in her voice 

“Yeah, no I’m okay,” Toni tried to smile as she placed the frame on the coffee table but Shelby wasn’t satisfied with that answer, Toni was about to reassure her when there was a knock at the door, she stood up and glanced at the clock thinking who this might be, Martha? Fatin? All of them? She wondered and when she opened the door her heart sank 

“Oh hi sweetheart,” 

Toni was in disbelief, but she should’ve known this was going to happen at some point yet she hadn’t shown her face to her for months. Toni barely recognized her own mother now, the girl who stood in front of her apartment door was pale and thin, her clothes seemed to cling to her body as she wrapped her arms around herself carefully. Her hair looked like it had been brushed hastily and eyes a little sunken with bags under them looking back at her it seems as if the light that had once looked at Toni every night before she went to bed had now been extinguished 

“What do you want?” She asked not letting her enter the apartment 

“Oh, sweetie that’s no way to greet your mom,” She said giving her a look of disappointment but still found the whole situation amusing, that’s when Toni smelled the alcohol in her voice 

“That’s a big title you’ve given yourself,” Toni said her voice cold 

“You can’t talk to me that way,” She spat getting angry but Toni’s face remained the same 

“I’m going to ask again, what do you want?” 

“Ha! Couldn’t I visit my daughter? I’ve missed you Toni” Her mom said giving her a smile, and she knew all about this ruse, it’s not like it’s the first time she’d ever done this 

“Mom just go” Toni said with a sigh as she glanced behind her to see Shelby just standing there worriedly staring at her and she gave the girl a small fine before looking back at her mom who tried to look past her

“You have guest? You never introduce me to your friends, let me meet her,” She pushed past Toni entering the apartment and immediately flashing Shelby a wide smile 

“Hi there dear, I’m Toni’s mom,” She held her hand out for Shelby to shake who did so hesitantly and her mom gripped her hand so tight that the blonde clutched it right after she let it go

“Nice to meet you Mrs. Shalifoe,” She said softly and Toni’s mom cackled at that

“Oh no! I’m no Mrs. Shalifoe, not anymore at least! That asshole left me here and took my child away from me,” She said angrily as Toni stood beside Shelby glaring at her mom to stop talking but she continued: “Oh but not Toni, not my sweet, sweet daughter. She stayed with me because she loves me, she would never dare leave me, isn’t that right sweetie,” 

She looked at Toni who didn’t bother denying nor agreeing to what she said which simply made the older woman smile in delight. 

“You have to leave, there’s nothing I can give you,” Toni said carefully and her mom looked at her confused 

“Now don’t you lie to me Toni, I know your dad sends you money every month and today’s that day! Won’t you want to share some of that with your mother?” Toni was trying so hard to contain herself and she didn’t want to cause anything else since they might wake Leo up, and Toni did not want her to see their mother like this. Not ever. 

“Mom, please I need it,” Toni pleaded knowing all too well that she had just the amount to pay off their bills and this apartment but it’s not like her mom lived there with her, she’s been alone for months and she’d been fine without her help, without her casually using the money her dad’s been sending for something else. 

“I’m only going to take a little bit sweetheart, I need to pay this guy off and after that I’ll be okay! We’ll be back together here, just you and I” She said holding Toni’s hand with both of her own looking directly into her eyes 

Toni would’ve believed her, she wanted to badly. But she said this the last time, and the other time until Toni stopped holding out that she was doing her best to get off this high of hers and to genuinely want to be her mother again but no. She wouldn’t be able to deal with it again, the nights after her mother would visit her for money she would wait, keeping her bedroom door slightly open for when she might come into the night and kiss her forehead. But she never did, until Toni closed her door completely and stopped hoping that her mom would come back to her. This time was it, she now understood that the woman she’s been waiting for has never wanted to return home in the first place.

“You have to leave,” Toni said sternly as she felt her tears building up 

“You are so ungrateful; do you have any idea what I did to provide for you when your dad left?” Her mom said with such anger that Toni was taken aback a bit until she saw Toni’s bag resting on one of the bar stools and unzipped it

“What the fuck are you doing?” Toni shouted trying to pry the bag out of her grip as her mom held onto it tightly, then threw it aside hitting god knows what but Toni heard glass shattering and a gasp from Shelby, she was about to turn around when her mom started taking out the cash from her wallet. Of course, that’s what she was after. 

“Mom fucking stop already!” Toni said making her mom shove the cash in her pocket and stare at her with such distaste in her eyes and suddenly her hand collided with Toni’s face hard, the sound echoing throughout the apartment 

“You don’t get to fucking talk to me that way, do you know much shit I had to endure for you? How much I had to do every single night just for you! Ever since then you’ve always been a burden I wish you would’ve fucking left along with your dad, I didn’t need you all these years Toni! Don’t go nagging about how I did because I never fucking did!” She said with so much disdain and bitterness that Toni looked at her the same way 

“Get the fuck out of here, you’ll never fucking see me again,” Toni said as her mom simply chuckled, she felt a hand hold hers and saw Shelby looking at her mom

“Just go, or I’ll call the police,” Shelby threatened and that was enough to let Toni’s mom stare her down then leave the place slamming the door behind her.

Shelby looked back at Toni holding her face but Toni wasn’t crying, the blonde didn’t speak but instead hugged her which surprised her a bit but melted into her embrace right away. They stayed that way for a few moments, Toni trying to focus on the girl she was with but instead her mind kept going back to what had just happened.

She was tired, she couldn’t deal with this anymore. 

Her cheek still stung from where her mom had slapped her, and it was nothing but a reminder of what she had lost and was finally smart enough to know that she was always going to be that way. Toni never talked back to her mother, even in this state, she always gave her what she needed even if it meant Toni needed to work extra shifts and lose sleep, she believed her mother wanted to be sought out but this time was different. Maybe it was Leo in the other room, knowing how much it would fuck him up if he saw his mother acting the way she did.

“Toni,” Shelby said pulling away and looking at her, but she hadn’t shed any tears that night

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” She said looking anywhere else but at Shelby’s eyes, she didn’t want her pity, Shelby grabbed hold of her face making her stare at Shelby’s eyes

“I have no fucking idea how that woman could say such things about a person as hardworking and as selfless as you are. Toni, I swear to god she’s all fucked up in the head if she can’t see that, I haven’t known you all that long but I know that to be the truest thing in this world.” Shelby said with so much sincerity that it was a complete contrast to what she had just endured earlier 

Shelby hugged her again tighter and this time as they remained that way, she knew what she had to do.


	9. chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for those still dealing with this shit, hope it isn't too bad <3

It was after Toni had told her dad about what happened that night, that he decided to get the first plane back opting to reschedule everything even if it were crucial all for the wellbeing of his children. 

“I’ll be there by tomorrow afternoon Toni, but seriously are you okay?” Her dad asked on the other line

“Yeah dad I’m fine, honestly I’m relieved Leo hadn’t woken up when she arrived,” She said her hand instinctively reaching her cheek 

“Toni we seriously need to talk about this when I get there, but for now please stay safe, do you guys need a hotel? She might come back, I can set it all up for-“

“Dad, it’s fine, she won’t come back, the cash she got from me might last her a while, I don’t know what for but what I do know is that she won’t come back right away,” She lied about that last part and her dad knew that too, she heard talking on the other line and her dad sighed

“It’s okay dad, you should go, Leo and I will see you tomorrow,” Toni told him and they said their goodbyes as Toni checked to see that she had a text message from Shelby

‘hi, are u okay?’ 

Toni had been down outside the apartment building when she took that call with her dad and to get some fresh air while Leo was eating breakfast. She decided to call Shelby instead, she genuinely thinks she hadn’t thanked the girl last night when she witnessed all that shit and Toni wanted to make it up to her. 

“Hello?” Shelby said and Toni heard her panting on the other end 

“Hi? Are you out or something?” 

“Just on a morning run,” 

“Oh, uh I don’t think I ever got to say thank-“

“I’m going to have to stop you right there,” Shelby cut her off and Toni blinked 

“Uh what? I was just going to say th-“

“And I told you to stop,” She cut her off again and this time Toni was extremely confused and silent, were thank you’s not a thing for Shelby? 

That’s when she felt someone tap her shoulder, turning around to see Shelby a dorkish smile on her face 

“Now, what were you saying?” She said turning her phone off and putting it in the pocket of her jacket, she wasn’t kidding when she said she was on a run, Shelby was wearing a black jacket and shorts as well as running shoes with her hair in a ponytail, and Toni tried so hard not to stare for too long but when Shelby laughed at her was when she snapped out of it 

“What are you doing here?” Toni asked 

“I told you I was on a run,” Shelby said innocently and Toni gave her a look 

“Okay, I wanted to check on you and my dad would be suspicious if I told him I was meeting with a friend this early when I got home late last night, so I told him I’d go running,” She motioned to her outfit 

“Thus, the disguise, clever liar,” Toni finished and Shelby nodded then bowed making Toni laugh but then a serious look overcame the other girl’s face and before she could ask anything Toni spoke 

“I’m okay Shelby, honest. I actually wanted to thank you for not freaking out last night or for not giving me bullshit lies and advice,” Shelby gave her a sad smile 

“You’re a good person Toni, I just want you to know that,” Shelby admitted and Toni glanced at their apartment window to see Leo looking through and when she caught him he immediately got down and shut the curtains 

“Seems like we got caught,” Shelby said also having seen Leo 

“Do you want to stay a while? Or do you have to go?” Toni asked and Shelby glanced at her watch before saying 

“I guess I can stay a while,” 

“Good, because Leo leaves tomorrow,” 

When they got inside the apartment Shelby had a sad look on her face when Leo greeted her. Toni had told her about her dad coming to pick Leo up a week earlier than what was expected since they were both scared of what could happen if Toni’s mom were to come back. 

“I’ll see him again soon,” Toni said but she didn’t know when soon was. As it turns out, Leo doesn’t know that he’ll be going home tomorrow night and Toni has no idea how to tell him, she watches as Shelby and Leo laugh from the couch. She approached them and sat next to Shelby who gave her a grin

“Leo, you should show Toni what you were just doing,” Shelby then said and Toni tilted her head confused as Leo laughed 

“What’s?” Toni asked and Leo stopped his laughing before standing on the floor looking at them, she glanced at Shelby who was trying so hard to contain her laughter until Leo started pretending to dribble a ball aggressively then shot it and backpedalled with his tongue sticking through his teeth and from that Toni immediately felt her cheeks burning up then looked at the blonde beside her who was laughing

“You actually do that though every time you make a shot,” She said and Leo was chuckling as well until Toni joined in 

“God that’s embarrassing, I don’t know why I do that,” Toni said burying her face in her hands before Shelby took them and looked at her 

“It’s not, it’s actually really… adorable.” Shelby said and it was her turn to feel flustered 

“Hey buddy, I have to tell you something,” Toni said when she looked away from Shelby and back at Leo who had now sat on her lap, him looking at her waiting for what she’s supposed to say

“Dad’s coming here tomorrow, to pick you up,” Leo stared at her and waited for her to continue, “You’re going back to California with him,” the boy’s eyes then started to water as he registered what Toni had said and he wrapped his small arms around her neck crying

“You’re coming with us, right?” Leo said still not pulling away, hugging her tighter as Toni did the same. Her heart broke even more when he said that

“I can’t Leo, at least not now” Toni whispered pulling away and seeing her brother’s eyes filled with sadness and his cheeks puffy, “You know I’ll visit you again Leo, I promise,” She said trying to make him feel better and he continued crying for a moment until he stopped 

“Will you be there on my birthday?” Leo asked and Toni smiled

“Of course, when wasn’t I around on your birthday?” 

“Can Shelby go too?” Leo said looking at the other girl who simply looked at Toni 

“If she wants to, I’ll gladly bring her with me,” Toni replied and Leo nodded sadly as Shelby gave Toni a small smile knowing that they will be seeing Leo soon after tomorrow 

Shelby left after, having to get home not wanting her dad to be suspicious as Toni decided to call Martha and tell her that Leo was leaving too, within minutes she was in their apartment and had already been told about what happened the night before

“Fuck, Toni why didn’t you call me?” Martha said and Toni shrugged

“I didn’t want to worry you plus I’m okay,” 

“She literally slapped you Toni, what if Leo had woken up what could she have done?” She said in such disbelief as Toni sighed

“Which is why he’s leaving tomorrow; Marty, dad and I can’t risk it.” 

“You and I both know that you can leave this place as easily as they can Toni, so why don’t you?” Martha asked trying to see why Toni would possibly want to stay even after that and to be honest Toni herself didn’t know why


	10. chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)) thanks for the nice comments guys its really nice seeing what you think

Today was the day that her dad was going to arrive, Toni didn’t sleep much that night she was too busy holding on to Leo while he cuddled up next to her. The boy had fallen asleep on the couch again with his head in Toni’s lap, she was thinking about what they could do today, something fun maybe that Leo would appreciate.   
It was around 7am now and the lights in their apartment were still off, she was about to go out for a while, on a run when she saw that a picture frame was broken laying on the table by the door. That’s what shattered the night her mom came, there was a nasty jagged crack in the middle, she didn’t attempt to pick it up knowing how fragile it may be now.

As she stared at it all she could hear was the unfamiliar voice of her mother screaming at her. She couldn’t even remember what she sounded like before that, it seemed so long ago. She rarely talked about her mom with her friends, except for Martha maybe but it was always a sensitive topic, she never even bothered to explain to Shelby what the fuck that was about but the girl was nice enough not to ask her about it, or maybe she pitied Toni which is why she didn’t bother to.

She felt herself getting pissed at that, she didn’t want anyone’s pity, she could handle it. She carefully held the frame facing it down on the table then put her earphones in as she got down and started running. 

Toni made her way to the park and by one of the benches she saw about 10 people huddled up listening to one guy, she was curious as to what was going on so she made her way to them casually removing one of her earbuds then listening to the man who sat at the bench, the people seemed to be so captured by his words

“As parents of our children, it is our duty to make sure that they don’t stray away from the path they are destined to take. We should help them and correct their sins so that they may be redeemed from these temptations by the same gender being called ‘normal’ nowadays.” 

Toni almost threw up at what she had heard, she should’ve known it was one of those guys talking, he had this smile on his face as he spoke and others nodding in agreement to the bullshit he just spat. He and Toni met eyes and he studied her as if trying to decipher what she was thinking which was really obvious considering how after having heard that distaste was clearly seen on her face

“And you? Do you agree that as parents we must guide you, the youth, to take the right twists and turns on this journey?” He addressed her and all eyes were on Toni as she tried not to let the attention phase her 

“I think you shouldn’t ruin your kids’ lives when they want to love who they do.” 

Toni didn’t want to argue with this guy and his ‘followers’ so she put her earphones in as they both stared at the other, the man having this smirk on his face as if he knew something Toni didn’t while she looked back at him with an unfaltering gaze

“That way of life is a sin! May the Lord forgive you” She heard him say as she began jogging away from them. 

Her mind then drifted to the memory of her at 16 and admitting to her dad she liked girls, she was so scared of him, of what he would say especially since they didn’t talk every day and she was going to suddenly drop this bomb on him, this was back when she couldn’t travel on her own and had to rely on facetime calls with him during birthdays.

She chuckles at the memory of her telling her dad about it, she remembers being teary eyed and him immediately asking what was wrong, she was alone on that day, her 16th birthday, her mom was out somewhere, Toni didn’t know but she kind of expected it. 

“Dad I like girls,” She finally said closing her eyes as she was met with silence until he said

“Yeah? So what, I do too” Her dad simply said and she looked at him and he had an incredulous look on his face as if saying ‘that’s it?’ 

She felt the relief of his reaction wash over her and that’s when she truly felt comfortable about her sexuality. She knew she was lucky at that aspect but with everything else, not so much. 

Toni went back home to see that Leo was sitting up on the couch clutching his penguin stuffed toy tightly as he looked at Toni and she immediately felt bad 

“Shit” She muttered under her breath before sitting beside him, his eyes puffy and him sniffling 

“Leo I’m sorry, I just went on a run real quick I didn’t think you were going to wake up right away,” She apologized and Leo simply shook his head wrapping his arms around her neck, hugging her tightly 

“I don’t want to go Toni,” Leo admitted and that’s when she realized why he was crying, which in turn made a lump form in her throat but she couldn’t be upset, not when Leo was too

“Hey, buddy don’t worry I’ll visit more often and I’m sure we’ll be able to do this again,” She bit her lip at that last part not knowing for sure if that were possible, and if it were it most definitely was not happening back here. 

Toni only used to visit Leo for a day until she had to go back, this was the longest they’ve been together and they both loved every single second of it

An idea then popped into Toni’s head as she quickly texted her coach asking for a huge favour. 

\------

Toni switched the lights on in the empty court of her school as she let Leo in who simply looked around 

“You said you wanted to learn how to play basketball right?” Toni said smiling at Leo who had a huge grin on his face, “Well, we’ve got this whole place to ourselves, want to show me what you’ve got?” 

Toni got her ball out of her bag and started dribbling it, Leo attempting to steal it from her by swiping his hands all over but not managing to do so, she made a shot that went in and walked back to him giving him the ball. He dribbled it, losing it a few times but the dedication on his face was enough to make Toni smile 

They continued just enjoying being with each other for about an hour until Leo told her 

“We should play football too!” He grabbed the other ball from Toni’s bag and waited for her to bring him outside as she nodded. She locked the doors behind her and put the keys back in her bag as she texted her coach, thanking him for letting her use it for a while.   
As they made their way toward the field, Toni assumed that no one was there until she saw all the way by the center, the cheerleading team was there, in their full outfits, white long sleeves that hugged their frames and skirts to match. Her breathe hitched in her throat her eyes landed on a blonde cheerleader who confidently did a cartwheel in the middle then landing back with a huge smile on her face, the sun definitely complimented her.

“Is that Shelby?” Leo asked pulling at Toni’s shirt and she looked down at him

“Yeah buddy, that’s her,” He smiled and started walking toward her until Toni grabbed his hand stopping him

“She’s busy right now Leo, maybe later when she’s done,” He nodded and ran a few feet away from Toni kicking the ball toward her. They played like this for a while, Leo was actually really good for his age, or maybe Toni was just biased

“Take it easy on me!” Toni shouted as Leo had kicked the ball past her, her not being able to stop it in time and it rolled away 

As she chased it, the ball was stopped under someone else’s feet and she looked up to see Shelby smiling

“Lost something?” She asked and Toni shook her head

“I had it under control,” 

“Clearly,” She said and kicked the ball toward Leo’s direction who was running toward them. Toni tried so hard not to give Shelby a one over in her outfit but she couldn’t help it, she looked so hot that it made Toni almost nervous 

“Shelby!” Leo shouted as Toni’s eyes darted back up to meet Shelby’s who was smirking at Toni having caught her and she felt extremely embarrassed opting to turn around

Shelby took Leo into her arms carrying him 

“I’m going to miss you too,” Shelby said and set him down

“Hi,” Shelby said innocently as Toni looked back at her 

“Uh, hey,” Toni said and she immediately chided herself, what the fuck was hey?

“I thought you guys didn’t have practice today?”

“Oh, we didn’t I asked coach to let me use the court a bit to play with Leo,” She explained and Shelby nodded as she continued to play with him, as Toni’s phone rang in her pocket, it was her dad

“Hey dad,” She answered 

“I just landed, let’s meet somewhere, I’ll get us food, our flight isn’t until later tonight,” He said and Toni looked at Leo who was still having a great time but knowing that this was going to be cut short

“Sure dad, Leo and I will meet you there, I’ll send you a good place?” Toni asked as she saw that one of the other cheerleaders who she didn’t know the name of made her way toward Shelby and Leo

“You better choose a good place,” Her dad said and she smiled

“I’ll see you in a while dad,” She said and the call ended, she glanced back at Shelby and the other girl who had a serious look on her face as Shelby listened while staring at Toni with an uncomfortable look on her face, 

She went toward Leo which was within hearing distance from the girl and Shelby, she wishes she hadn’t been so close

“You should stay away from her Shelby, she’s a dyke,” The other girl said quietly but Toni still obviously heard but what hurt was what Shelby said 

“I – yeah no I’m just being friendly Maddie that’s all,” 

“Are you guys friends or something?”

“Uh I met her at an event once,” 

“You’re lucky I warned you, that girl has some serious issues Shelby, I heard rumours that her mom left her,”

“Oh, that’s too bad,” 

“Mhmm, might catch the gay best to avoid her,” 

“Of course,”

Toni bit her lip as she took Leo’s hand, looking at Shelby who had this pleading look in her eyes which Toni shook her head scoffing. Taking Leo’s hand and walked away with him, he looked back at Shelby and waved 

“Bye Shelby!” 

She immediately felt her phone vibrate and it had texts from Shelby 

‘toni let me explain’  
‘i’m sorry can we talk,’  
‘i didn’t mean what i said to her,’  
‘please answer,’ 

Toni only read them through her lock screen as she shoved her phone back not wanting to get upset when Leo was already leaving today. She wasn’t going to let Shelby ruin it. 

When she and Leo got to the diner that they always used to go at when Toni was younger, the boy jumped into their dad’s arms. Her dad had looked more muscular than the last time she had seen him, and he smiled at her opening his arms for her which she gladly embraced. He kissed her forehead holding her with one hand and Leo the other.

“I missed you Toni,” He said pulling away sitting down on the seats of the booth, she sat opposite him

“I missed you too dad,” Leo sat beside her and they ordered their food, when he spotted a little playground by the end of the diner and he looked at Toni with wide eyes

“Can I play there?” He pointed, there were already three other kids there running around and sliding, playing in the ball pits 

“Go knock yourself out buddy, be careful,” Toni said and Leo nodded thanking her as he ran there and removed his shoes.

“Toni,” Her dad finally said when they were alone and he had a concerned look in his eyes 

“What happened that night Toni?” She breathed in deep and started telling what had occurred, and he looked away when she told him about her mom slapping her and taking the money from her wallet

“Fuck, I shouldn’t have left you here Toni,” Her dad was frustrated with himself and she knew this since he ran his hands through his hair more often, which was what Toni did when she was agitated too

“Dad please don’t blame yourself, you know I didn’t want to leave,” She said and her dad shook his head 

“Your life here Toni, you know I could provide you with everything you will ever need, you won’t have to work part time jobs or train so hard to get a scholarship anymore, I can get them for you,” He said pleading with her and she sighed feeling his distress 

“You know I can’t leave mom here by herself, she’s already dealing with so much. What if I go and she spirals even more out of control?” Toni told him 

“Toni, she hasn’t been your mom for a long time, you and I both know that, you asked me to give you time, you told me you were going to get her back but even I tried to Toni, for years I tried to get your mother back but she never did.” She then remembered the nights she spent with her dad, asking for her mom and he would always give her the same answer

‘she’s almost home, just a little late,’ 

“Please come back to California with me, with Leo, we could be a family, just us three,” He then said in a tone that said as if this was his final attempt and that the decision was hers 

“I’ll think about it dad, I swear,” Toni said and her dad gave her a smile, this was the closest answer he got from her ever considering the idea of moving in with them   
“I just want what’s best for you Toni, it’s different now, she hurt you, I can’t let this go on for any longer if I could help it.” He reached for her hand across the table and she gave him a smile, when her phone started ringing and it was Shelby, she thought about declining the call but she decided not to opting to answer it 

“Hello?” 

“I’m sorry, please you misunderstood what you heard,” She immediately heard Shelby say and she excused herself from her dad as she made her way out of the diner 

“Misunderstood? Really?” Toni said in a tone that she didn’t mean to sound so harsh and she could almost see Shelby flinching on the other end

“Please let me see you, let me explain why I had to say those things that I otherwise never would,” 

“Maybe later, I’m with my dad and Leo right now,” Toni didn’t necessarily say no to her offer but there was no way she was going to deal with Shelby right now

“Okay, I’m sorry tell me when I can come over,” 

“Sure,” 

“And tell Leo I’ll miss him,” Shelby said lastly before Toni ended the call

When she got back, their food was already there and Leo was back 

“Was that your girlfriend?” Her dad asked when she sat down and she almost choked on her drink 

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Toni said composing herself and Leo spoke

“Yes, she is you called her pretty,” She looked at her dad who laughed 

“You taught him the wrong thing about dating,” Toni said and he shrugged lightly but looked at her expectantly 

“No dad I swear she isn’t my girlfriend,”

“No? Is there a yet to that statement?” 

“There’s no yet dad, I don’t even think she’s into me,” Toni admitted and her dad looked at her in disbelief but decided not to press her into answering.

They stayed in that diner for a long time, of them just laughing and catching up, she doesn’t even the remember the last time she’d genuinely been this happy for about more than an hour. Her dad had always been so good at making her feel lighter even when she knew the moment she went home that everything wasn’t the same again.


	11. chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fuck guys, all those comments on the previous update literally made my heart pound it's so fucking nice that some of you are actually invested in this thing and i cannot be more grateful :)) 
> 
> (p.s for that person who asked about a face claim, i wish i could give you something but it's kind of hard finding someone to cast as young as i envisioned leo to be, but if it counts; my inspiration for him was the boy who played jacko in the changeover who played erana's character's brother so i hope that helps your guys' imagination)

It wasn’t until it was about 6pm when the two had to leave, they got in their dad’s service car which drove them to the apartment to get Leo’s things and drop Toni off. She decided not to go with them to the airport, knowing that she’ll be even more upset and she’d rather be upset in private rather than have other people stare at her being left alone. 

The whole ride there, Leo was holding Toni’s hand not wanting to let go and she thought that maybe this was harder than she thought it would be. 

When they arrived all three of them got off, her dad telling the driver to wait for Leo and him as they went inside

“You seem to be managing yourself well here,” Her dad said from behind her as she went in her room gathering Leo’s things as he glanced around the place 

“Well you can’t help but be responsible when you’ve got no one else to rely on,” Toni said and immediately popped her head out the door to see her dad looking anywhere but at her, “Dad I’m sorry, you know I didn’t mean it that way,” She was walking towards him, still not meeting her eyes 

“I fucked up Toni, I should’ve dragged you to California with me,” He said and Toni knew he was speaking nonsense now since he would never have done that

“Then I would’ve hated you dad, I wouldn’t have been able to forgive you for keeping mom away from me,” She reasoned with him and he now looked at her

“But you shouldn’t have to deal with these things at such a young age, you were 14 when I left you and Leo was just a baby”

“I don’t blame you for what I’ve had to go deal with dad, I love mom despite what happened in the past but,” She didn’t want to speak the words into existence, not now, not yet and her dad understood that something had changed 

“Please consider moving with us, you can even have my bedroom in the loft if that’s enticing to you,” Her dad said and Toni immediately gave a look as if she was actually thinking about it when her dad gulped and backtracked

“On second thought maybe you could stay on the couch for a while, we can build you a new room instead,” She laughed at this and suddenly this tension between her and her dad had slowly dissipated, she knew her dad meant well and she loved him for that, for being strong enough to take Leo away and be separated from her knowing all too well how in love her dad was with her mom. 

Toni then went back in her bedroom to see Leo placing his favourite swearer in the bag, his eyes starting to water again as they landed on Toni’s

She took him into her arms and she knew he was trying so hard not to cry since when she pulled away he was looking at anything else but her face

“I love you, Toni,” He whispered frowning and Toni smiled at him

“You know I love you too Leo,” Her dad then peaked inside seeing the two of them and he joined in the hug, Toni didn’t realize she was crying, actually crying until they pulled away and her dad wiped at her cheek,

“We’ve got to go,” He said holding a hand out to Leo who took it hesitantly, carrying his bag on the other 

“I’ll see you soon Leo, wave from the plane for me, will you?” Toni said as they were almost out the door and Leo looked back at her nodding

“Bye Toni,” 

It was about half an hour later when Toni went up to the rooftop of the apartment building, the night’s wind hitting her face as she looked up at the sky knowing that in one of the planes that would pass, it’d be carrying Leo and her dad.

She was silent, she was upset, she was pissed all at the same time she was upset she was alone again, upset that Leo was gone, pissed at her mom and at Shelby

Shelby 

Toni hadn’t messaged her after that call and to be fair she really did not want to get even more upset knowing that she actually really liked Shelby as a person and for her to talk about her like that or not even try to defend her was one of the shittiest things ever.

She was thinking about ignoring her for as long as she could, considered if she should even listen to what Toni ‘misunderstood’ from what she heard that was so loud and clear.

“Why the fuck not,” She muttered to herself she sent Shelby a text, tired of being upset at the situation and deciding she wanted to feel something else, it was bad Toni knew she shouldn’t be doing this but she was not going to have a breakdown now 

And with that Toni shoved her phone in her pocket and looked up again at the skies as a plane passed, and she could almost imagine Leo waving from the small window and just like that she was here and they were there together. 

After a few minutes the door to the roof opened and she didn’t even bother turning around as she studied the streets below her, it was about 8pm now, cars still rushed past and bars opened with their obnoxious neon lights being as bright as ever. People rushing in and out either as groups or alone, she only noticed that Shelby had stood beside her when she spoke

“Toni,” She looked at her a sad look in her eyes and Toni almost felt bad until she didn’t, she motioned for Shelby to take the floor with her hands as she took a step back

“I’m sorry okay? It was wrong of me to say agree and let her say those things about you but you have to believe me that I didn’t want to Toni,” She said desperately and Toni stared at her blinking

“You didn’t want to? But you did anyway? That’s confusing,” Shelby sighed 

“I mean I’m not… out, okay?” 

Toni looked at her as if she couldn’t understand what she’d just said until Shelby continued 

“The girl, Maddie she’s trying to set me up with her brother who’s on the football team. Their family helped my dad and I get settled here so we kind of owe them. But she’s been suspicious of me, asking why I wasn’t interested in any of the male athletes she’d introduced me to. I couldn’t exactly tell her why but, I’m sure you get it by now, she could tell my dad,” Shelby said looking at Toni who was taken aback but that wasn’t the entirety of the reason as to why she got mad at her 

“Shelby, does defending me make you gay?” Toni asked simply and Shelby hung her head low not knowing how to respond, “I honestly don’t care if you’re out or not, hell that’s for you to figure out, but the fact that you just agreed to whatever she said back there especially the one about my mom, well fuck forgive me for overreacting,” 

“No, shit Toni that’s not what I meant I’m sorry okay? I didn’t know what to do, I felt like a deer in headlights, I couldn’t risk her thinking that anything was going on,” 

She’s making things worse, Toni thought as she looked away from Shelby and back down to the view below her

“Yeah? Alright, Leo’s gone you can stop hanging out with me now, wouldn’t want people spreading rumours that you were friends with a dyke,” 

“Toni, you know it isn’t like that,” 

“Isn’t? Are you sure? If I remember correctly you clearly said you didn’t want to be figured out and that by being with me you would be so what else is there for us to do?” 

“You don’t understand!” Shelby shouted which shocked Toni a little not expecting her to do that but quickly regained her composure

“What don’t I understand Shelby? I think you’ve made your point pretty damn clear,” 

“My dad isn’t just some homophobe, he despises people who love the same sex, he threatened to send me away if I ever did anything like it again!” 

Again? Toni thought and Shelby had tears in her eyes as she spoke again

“I fell in love with my best friend back in Texas, we got careless and he caught the both of us. It was during the time of the divorce, my mom getting custody over my siblings since they were younger but my dad, he threatened to out me, tell the entire community we lived in that I was an abomination, no one would dare associate with me if word got out.”

“That’s why you came with him here, he was hoping to keep an eye on you, making sure that wouldn’t happen again.” Shelby had tears flowing down her cheeks now as Toni finally got the whole picture and she felt like a jerk.

She immediately hugged Shelby who cried harder into her chest

“Fuck, I’m an asshole,” Toni muttered and Shelby shook her head still not letting her go 

“No please, I’m sorry for every saying those things, I would never Toni,” 

“I get it now, I’m sorry for forcing you to tell me about it fuck that’s-,” Toni started and Shelby looked at her making her stop 

“It’s okay Toni, I understand why, I honestly would be pretty pissed too if someone did that to me,” 

Shelby now pulled away from Toni who immediately missed the contact

“So, does that mean we’re good now?” Shelby asked shyly and Toni pretended to think about it before responding 

“You’re a dork, of course we are,”

“At least I wasn’t staring at you so intensely earlier in the field,” Shelby teased and immediately Toni felt embarrassed but decided to fight her on this 

“You did look really hot in that cheerleading outfit though,” And with that it was Shelby’s turn to be a blushing mess.


	12. chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u guys enjoy this :)) thanks again for all the support guys, i kinda want to interact with you guys more would making a twt account help? lol

“I want to ask you something,” Toni said as she glanced at Shelby who was sitting on the couch trying to solve a rubik’s cube she found in Toni’s room, they had decided to go back to Toni’s apartment when it started raining and she looked up from the toy and waited for her to continue,

“How come your dad isn’t so strict with curfews when you know,” Toni asked carefully not wanting to cross a line with Shelby and she simply shrugged

“He’s been so busy lately, trying to get settled into his new job he hasn’t really had the time to keep an eye over me,” Shelby admitted then decided to speak again, “So school starts in like three days, you excited?” 

“No? Am I supposed to be?” Toni sounded repulsed by Shelby’s question and she laughed 

“Who would’ve thought I’d end up in the same school as you though? That has to be some miracle or something,” Shelby said wistfully and Toni raised an eyebrow before sitting next to her

“A miracle? How come?” 

“’Cause I finally get to see you every day,” Shelby said smirking and Toni immediately wished she hadn’t asked, embarrassed she buried her face in her hands groaning 

“What the fuck,” 

“Is the basketball team’s captain blushing?” Shelby teased bumping her shoulder with Toni’s who looked at her 

“How’d you know I was the captain?”

“Some girls from the girls’s football team, they kind of talk about you and not in the bad way you’re thinking,” Shelby said, “They all seemed to very interested in you,” 

“Ah, God it was just a thing last year, I’m not really like that anymore,” Toni said thinking back to those nights where she’d end up partying until she literally blacked out, dancing with some of the girls that Shelby probably met. It was when her mom started disappearing on her for weeks instead of days. 

“They seemed to enjoy your company a lot,” Shelby said trying to get a rise out of her but Toni shrugged

“I’m not about that anymore, there’s only one person’s company I enjoy now,” Toni said looking straight at her and Shelby stared at her biting her lip 

“Yeah? What’s she like?” She asked playing along 

“She’s alright I guess,” She said and Shelby shook her head at this before continuing, “Her smile’s really pretty, her laugh’s one of the best sounds I have ever heard, her eyes are amazing definitely one of her best features and of course she looks really good in a cheerleading outfit,” At that last part Shelby’s face broke out into a laugh and she hit Toni playfully saying

“You win,” 

Suddenly there was a knock at the door and immediately Toni’s smile dropped, it was late, who could this possibly be, she had a guess but she hoped she was dead wrong.

“What’s up bitch?!” Fatin said loudly when Toni opened the door to see her with two bottles of vodka, pushing inside Toni’s apartment and behind her trailed Martha, Leah and Dot 

“Fatin what-.” Toni began to say until Shelby stood up from the couch and the girl was studying her

“Damn Toni, your girlfriend is hot,” 

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Toni said putting the alcohol on the counter before Dot looked at her 

“Who is she then?” She questioned and Toni tried responding but nothing came out 

“Right, so not Toni’s girlfriend, I’m Fatin, that’s Leah, Martha and the scary not a lesbian in the cargo pants is Dot,” She introduced extending her hand which the other girl took

“I’m Shelby” She simply said and Martha had just told Toni that she told the other girls that Leo was gone and thought she might’ve needed cheering up but obviously didn’t know that Shelby was here 

“I’m sorry, I told them we should call you first,” Martha said and Toni was honestly just relieved that it was them and not someone else

“It’s cool Marty, plus you guys brought drinks,” Toni said motioning to the bottles that now lay on her counter

“Well I don’t know about you guys but I need this,” Leah said grabbing one of them but not before hugging Toni 

“Hadn’t seen you in a while,” Toni told Leah who shrugged when they pulled away

“That’s what happens when your parents force you out of the state for break,” 

“And I thought we had plans to drink our asses off every night?” Toni asked as Leah grabbed the shot glasses in the cupboard and poured into five of them, 

“Yeah well plans change,” Leah said as she downed one right away her eyes fixed on what’s in front of her which was Shelby and Fatin laughing 

“Right! Let’s play something, loser has to drink,” Fatin suddenly said and everyone went to sit on the couch while Toni decided to sit on the floor next to Dot and Leah. 

They played a few rounds of never have I ever until they all started getting intoxicated, their answers and questions getting sloppier by the minute 

“Never have I ever found my professor in Tinder,” Dot said laughing as all eyes landed on Fatin who rolled her eyes then took her shot, Martha who was beside her had a shocked expression on her face as she asked who and Fatin whispering in her ear as Martha’s eyes widened even more 

“You’re up Shelby,” Toni said getting her attention and Shelby’s eyes had a look in them that she had never seen before, it was wild and crazy making Toni gulp at how intense she was staring at her 

“Never have I ever made out with someone of the same gender,” 

“Wait makeout as in with tongue?” Dot asked and Shelby nodded as the girl dropped her shot glass muttering it was just a kiss, Toni watched as Shelby took her shot, not ever taking her eyes off the girl as she too downed her shot.

Both Leah and Fatin took their shots at the same time as Martha spoke

“Whoa, wait Leah really?” 

“Yeah, it was a mistake,” Leah said as she shrugged, she was definitely drunk now, her words blurring altogether as she heard a scoff 

“O-okay, time for a different game, truth or dare?” Dot suggested and everyone agreed even Leah who muttered a quiet, sure and Shelby an excited smile on her face. 

“Martha, truth or dare?” 

“Truth,”

“What is the deal with you and Marcus?” Everyone started to look at Martha who blushed even brighter even with the alcohol,

“He asked me to be his girlfriend.” She admitted and Toni’s eyes went wide as the others cheered

“What the fuck?” Toni said in disbelief that she had to find out here with them 

“I’m sorry! He literally just asked me last night,” Martha replied a sorry look on her face 

“Okay Toni you’re up, truth or dare?” Fatin asks as Toni replied,

“Truth,” 

“Who was the last person you kissed?” Fatin asked with a smirk a knowing look she was giving Shelby and instantly Toni’s entire body went cold, she also looked at the blonde who was eyeing her, the flame that was once in her eyes just a few moments ago suddenly extinguished 

“I’ll drink,” Toni said about to make a shot when Dot spoke

“Why? We already know who she is,” 

“Yeah Toni, she’s obviously in this room just admit it,” Fatin said as she and Dot gave each other a look

“No, she isn’t” Toni simply said and everyone was silent thinking until beside her Leah spoke realization hitting her 

“Holy shit, still Regan?” 

Toni already admitted it but still took the shot as Fatin whistled 

“And that is awkward,” She added 

Shelby had a questioning look on her face but Toni couldn’t see that, she didn’t want to meet her eyes knowing that she might figure out who that was and Toni didn’t want to talk about it, not in their current state at least 

They continued playing for about half an hour until they decided they needed to head home, Toni telling them that she had practice tomorrow at 9am.

When they all were gone and it was Shelby and her again in the apartment, she could see that the other girl had sobered up

“You going to head off too?” Toni asked and Shelby nodded

“Yeah it’s pretty late, my dad might start asking where I was,” 

“Oh yeah, okay sure” 

But Shelby remained on her seat as if building up the courage and Toni was about to speak when she beat her to it

“Who’s Regan?” Toni took a deep breath before answering

“She was my ex, we broke up last year,” 

“But I thought you hung out with the girls on the football team?” Shelby asked and Toni shook her head

“Yeah I did but I never kissed any of them,” 

“Oh” Shelby simply said as the gears started turning and realization hit

“But that was before, I couldn’t bring myself to do anything else with anyone until I was sure I’d moved on,” Toni admitted as Shelby looked at her and Toni couldn’t quite decipher what she was thinking 

“And have you?” Shelby asked biting her lip and Toni laughed

“I have for a while now,”


	13. chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :))

Toni walked Shelby to her car at the front of the building, everything was quiet only the distant sound of the cars passing the main road being heard, it was pretty late now only a few bars were still open.

As Shelby was about to get into her car, she looked to the side before muttering something Toni couldn’t hear and said 

“Want to go with me on a quick drive?” She smiled and Toni shrugged not feeling sleepy yet anyway as she got in the passenger side 

“Why’d you decide not to go home yet?” Toni asked when they started going off somewhere, she wasn’t really paying attention 

“Kind of just want to stay with you a bit longer,” Shelby bit her lip trying to hide a smile as Toni closed her eyes trying not to show the other girl her reaction 

They continued that way, in comfortable silence with a few stolen glances here and there until they started bickering and talking about what had happened that night

“You cannot tell me that you’ve never thought about kissing Fatin,” Shelby said and Toni shook her head right away

“No! We’ve been friends for so long it never crossed my mind,” 

“Well why not? I’d definitely do that,” She admitted and Toni’s mouth was open slightly, shocked and in disbelief at what she had just said and was about to speak when Shelby continued, “I’m kidding okay? Don’t get jealous,” 

“Why would I be jealous?” Toni said though she didn’t sound so convincing

“Are you not?” 

Shelby asked raising an eyebrow and Toni shook her head still trying to keep this up 

“So you wouldn’t mind if I just kissed her?” 

“What?” Toni questioned her eyebrows scrunched as she tried to decipher if Shelby was just messing with her again 

“If I kissed anyone, would you get jealous?” 

“I- no? I don’t get to tell you who you get to kiss,” Toni stumbled over her words already the image of Shelby kissing other people flooded her mind and she frowned slightly, the car stopped at a red light though Shelby could’ve easily gone seeing as to where they were now didn’t have any other cars in the road which would be scary if it weren’t Shelby she was with right now, she turned to face her from the driver’s side 

“No? Really?”

“You seem to want me to be jealous,” Toni argued and Shelby chuckled 

“You’re all cute when you’re being teased like this,” 

Toni only stared at her as those words left her lips, it was silent, only their breathing can be heard in the car, the soft moonlight their only way of being able to see each other but still Shelby’s eyes, as they looked back at her, were careful and it’s as if she wanted to say something but was hesitant. They stayed that way for a while until they both looked away starting to feel something in the air, they studied the road outside, the light still not going green and Toni thought if anyone were to pass by here during rush hour they’d never make it home. 

Her hand saw Shelby’s which was resting on her right side, she slowly inched toward it, still not looking at the other girl, them both still looking straight ahead until their hands touched and it was as if jolts of energy surged through Toni’s body as they intertwined their hands, this time Toni decided to say ‘fuck it,’

She looked at Shelby who did the same when she felt her gaze 

Toni’s other hand reached out slowly to hold Shelby’s face, her thumb slowly caressing her cheek and smiling as she stared at her eyes which as the night grew deeper continued to endear her more and more, she was never going to get tired of this after a while Toni finally said the question in her mind

“Can I kiss you?” Shelby bit her lip moving her face further into Toni’s hand then smiled

“I thought I was going to have to do it, if you weren’t going to,” Toni was shocked at that and laughed, she slowly inched her face toward Shelby’s a little too slow and when they were so close that they could feel each other’s breaths Toni stopped moving and Shelby groaned 

“Just kiss me already,” Toni didn’t have to be told twice as she connected their lips for the first time and it seemed as if this was what all that build up was working to get to and it was better than what Toni could ever think of.

The kiss was slow as if they were trying to figure the other out first, they had all the time in the world and Toni was willing to take everything else at this pace if it meant having Shelby with her. 

They started pressing their mouths more closely as Shelby’s hands found themselves in Toni’s hair pulling her in. Toni felt their kisses becoming more intense and slowly decided to ease away, which when they did, their foreheads still touching with ragged breaths and hands on her shoulders when she opened her eyes Shelby’s were still closed which drove her insane when she opened them, 

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” Shelby whispered as Toni kissed her again after that 

“We can do this anytime you’d like to,” Toni said smiling at Shelby 

Toni woke up the following day in a daze, she hadn’t really slept all that well if it was because of the alcohol, missing Leo and her dad or because of the fact that she stumbled into her kitchen at 3am being dehydrated as fuck. As she was getting herself a glass of water, she checked her phone to see about 5 texts from 10 minutes ago, from Azzi her teammate.

‘we’re gonna start in like 15, wru?’

‘coach’s asking where u are what do we say?’

‘toni get ur ass over here’ 

‘he said we got a game on monday’

‘i’m gonna assume you’re dead rip’ 

She may have just taken the fastest shower in her life, scrambling to get her jersey and shoes on, slamming the door on her way out so loud that she heard her neighbour next door peer out as she was running before saying 

“Sorry!”

Toni made her way down and ran out onto the street weaving her way through people either rushing to get to work or walking through looking at the establishments, getting weird looks as she almost bumps into them.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” She mutters as she sees them through the glass doors of the gym doing drills, when she gets in she drops her bag on the bench but before she could join the others, of course her coach was going to call her. She flinched as she turned to face him, the air so much hotter now 

“Where’s your brother?” He simply asked and Toni was taken aback but remembered that she’d told him Leo would be with her for two weeks

“My dad came last night, took him home,” Toni really didn’t want to talk about this with her coach even if she did know that he meant well and has always been a good person to her on and off the court. He seemed to get the hint and nodded apprehensively 

“Don’t be late again Toni,” He turned around when Toni spoke again

“Coach, Azzi said we had a game on Monday?” 

“Yeah we do, we haven’t been advised as to who yet so best be prepared and get on over there,” He said as Toni joined the others right away, when Azzi threw a shot and saw Toni she pretended to have a shocked look 

“Yay you’re alive,” 

“Shut up,”

“So the football players are going to practice later, you want to stay and watch?” Azzi suggested and Toni looked at her weirdly

“Why would I want to do that?” She asked 

“Ah right, I forgot that your taste has finally evolved from football stars to blonde cheerleaders,” She bit her lip at the mention of Shelby who after last night, she felt much more connected to, sure their situations aren’t entirely similar or even remotely close but still, it’s kind of a good thing to hear that someone has struggles like you do but that even if they aren’t the same, having someone there with you is great 

When they had a water break about an hour later, Toni got her phone out and decided to text her, 

‘do u want to hang out later?’ 

After just a few moments she replied right away

‘yes :), where are u right now?’

‘i’ve got practice but we’ll finish at around noon’ 

Shelby didn’t reply after that and after that her and her team proceeded with the drills and the practice game, when those who lost ran about 10 laps around the court they were all sat down by the coach who told them what to expect 

“I heard that we’ll know who we’re facing tomorrow, but its best to keep your guard up and not underestimate the other team. This is our league now, we’ve, this is going to be our big break,” Everyone was paying attention, they all knew how much this exposure meant to every person on the team and Toni admired that 

“Also, the last game of our seniors, our captain here might not be staying with us for college,” Her coach continued and suddenly all eyes were on Toni who simply shrugged

“I’m not so sure yet coach,” 

“Well, where ever you decide to go all of us here know that they’re getting one hell of a player and a good person.” There were cheers after that and Toni looked down feeling embarrassed as she saw her coach smiling at her 

After that Toni decided to take a shower her body needing to feel cool while the others decided to go home or watch the female football players instead, she was once again left alone in the gym but was told not to lock it since the other team was going to use it. 

As she was drying her hair with a towel, she felt her lip getting wet then touched it to see it had blood, she immediately ran toward the sink trying to wash it off then tilted her head up 

“Toni?” She heard someone say and she glanced to see Shelby standing there a worried expression on her face

“What happened?” She said getting near her and sitting her down, there was still bleeding so Toni grabbed her towel and placed it under her nose, pinching the bridge of it

“Just a nosebleed, guess it was too hot today,” Toni said until an idea crossed her mind and she quickly added, “Your fault,” 

Shelby simply shook her head at this a smile on her face as she took the towel slowly away from Toni’s face as she continued to pinch the bridge, Shelby stood walking to the sink and wetting a small part of the towel then dabbing it where there was still blood. It had stopped right after but Toni still didn’t want to let go

“What are you doing here?” 

“I had to drop something off and decided to pick you up,” Shelby shrugged

“You missed me right away?” Toni teased and Shelby scoffed playfully

“I wasn’t the one who texted you asking to hang out,” Shelby replied and Toni bit her lip knowing she got cornered into that one, she finally let it go and held Shelby’s face smiling at her 

“Hi,” She whispered and Shelby chuckled

“Hey,” Toni was about to kiss her when she decided to tease her and kissed her cheek, really close to her lips then pulled away a smile on her face

“You want to eat?” Toni asked casually and Shelby sat there dumbfounded 

“You did not just-“ 

“I didn’t do anything,” She said innocently standing up and holding her hand out to Shelby who didn’t take it frowning and Toni laughed

“Stop being so adorable,” She said then finally kissed Shelby who instantly melted into the kiss


	14. chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> way to make my heart do somersaults with some of ur comments :)) means a lot

Toni was playing the game of her life. When their coach told them that they were facing the second-best ranked school she was mortified. It was now the transition to the third quarter and she was already playing like a beast even before her coach pointed out the man with a green cap on who was watching from the bleachers. Needless to say, that made Toni kind of on edge but she’s still playing well. As she sat in the locker room her other teammates had gone back up to the court and she had a towel over her head thinking of all the possible ways she could do better out there. 

“Hey,” she heard and looked up to see the only person who made her even more nervous than any school scout 

“Hey,” The girl was leaning against the door frame wearing her white cheerleader outfit that may or may not have distracted Toni once or twice at the start of the game, a smile plastered on her face and Toni can’t help but think about how she wishes she could stare at Shelby all day 

“Why aren’t you outside performing?” Toni asked and Shelby shrugged 

“The other school went first with their routine,” When Shelby said that Toni’s head perked up realizing that she hadn’t missed it and could actually watch Shelby do her thing for the first time 

“Rachel told me someone was out watching,” Shelby said, she motioned outside and she nodded covering her face with her towel trying to ease her nerves as she heard Shelby walking toward her and sit beside her on the bench 

“How do you know Rachel?” Toni wondered, not knowing about a time when the two even crossed paths 

“Oh she recognized me, somehow, maybe one of the girls sent her a photo of me when we hung out?” 

“Probably Dot or Fatin,” Toni said as she broke eye contact with Shelby 

“You’re doing great, honestly, anyone could see that and I don’t even play” Shelby told her bumping her shoulder light heartedly which sent jolts of electricity up Toni’s body. Shelby knew how much Toni not only wanted a scholarship but also how much she seemed to need it. This was her ticket to finally live on her own accord and Toni was willing to do everything and give up anything to be able to do that.

“You’re only saying that because you like me,” Toni said side eyeing Shelby who only shrugged in response with a teasing smirk on her face

“But in all seriousness, you really are good Toni, even your whole team knows that no one works as hard as you do.”

Toni looks up at Shelby who is now watching her, her eyes intensely staring into hers and for a moment Toni could swear she saw them flicker down but before she could do anything there was a loud cheering outside, indicating that the other school had just finished and Shelby had to go. 

She got up and held her hand out to Shelby who took it and for a second Toni’s hands lingered on Shelby’s not letting go

“I’ve got to go” Shelby said said and Toni simply nodded

“Good luck out there,” 

“You too, be careful,” 

Shelby smiled about to run but not before kissing her on the cheek. Toni sat on the bench near her teammates as the cheerleaders ran out on the centre Shelby met her eyes and she gave the her a thumbs up with an obnoxious grin to show her that she got this and Shelby chuckled at that. 

When the music started, Toni’s eyes widened and her mouth opened slightly at the moves Shelby was doing. Since this was their homecourt the crowd erupted in cheers hyping their team up which Toni could see added confidence to the girls at the front. They did their routine perfectly, or it seemed perfect to Toni’s eyes, maybe she was being biased since she was only staring at one person but no one had to know that. There were a few times when Shelby would make eye contact with her and smirk making Toni feel a lot of things and flustered was definitely one of them. She knew Shelby gave off a cheerleader vibe from the way she carried herself and the way she looked but holy shit, Toni never thought it was possible for someone to own something the way that Shelby does even if she was forced into it by her father who considered this as something real girls would do. 

When they finished the crowd was still going wild and some of the officials had to step up and stop them since the noise was becoming a nuisance and they couldn’t start the next half that way. Toni smiled as Shelby walked away from the hardcourt giving her a shy look in return. 

It was nearing the end of the fourth quarter and it was tied 68-68 with less than a minute remaining. Toni was hunched forward her hands on her knees as she tried to steady her breathing. She could feel the beat of the drums pounding against her chest as the crowd cheered louder and louder. When the whistle blew, her teammate passed the ball to her and as she was running as fast as she can toward the ring about to do a layup, one of the players from the other team intercepted her and charged at her with so much force that she dropped to the floor landing on her arm. 

She shut her eyes in pain and suddenly the crowd and sound of the drums became muted as she laid on the floor. After a few seconds she opened her eyes and saw her coach looking at her from the side as her teammates rushed over to her ready to pull her up. She also saw Shelby who was at the top of the bleachers but now on the hardwood floor with a concerned look on her face. Filled with worry and then flashed with anger. She was pulled up by two of her teammates and she groaned when the force made her arm ache even more.

“Dude you alright?” Azzi asked seeing the pain written all over her face and she knew she had to, she got two free throws out of that collision and with a game as crucial as this she wasn’t going to let it pass, no matter how much it hurt. 

Toni nodded and tried to flex her arm a bit, she tried with every ounce of her remaining strength not to wince to show that she could do this. 

She glanced past everyone again to see Shelby who was mouthing ‘Are you okay’ to her and she gave her a small smile trying to reassure her but Shelby knew better than that. 

“Toni! You good?” Her coach shouted when she went over to him 

“Yeah, just a few seconds left how hard can it be?” She tried to sound positive and as best as she could ignored the absolute pain on her right arm. The coach simply sighed knowing that he couldn’t do anything to stop Toni from playing and she was right, there only were a few seconds remaining if Toni could shoot the free throws and keep the other team from scoring they would be golden. 

Toni made her way toward the ring about to do the shot, she glanced at her teammates who were looking at her eagerly, then at the girl who collided with her, who had a smug look on her face that made Toni furious knowing she could’ve lost this opportunity if she had gotten a worse injury. 

As she tried to pay no attention to the pain, she actually made both of the free throws which made the crowd go even wilder. She sighed in relief when one of her teammates stole the ball and it stayed with them until the buzzer rang and everyone cheered. Toni fell on her knees, clutching her arm as she relished in the fact that they had won. This was huge, beating the second seed in the league, things were looking up. When suddenly she was tackled lower onto the floor and she saw Azzi on top of her screaming and giving her compliments. Toni was laughing until her eyes met with Shelby who only looked from afar her other teammates joined Azzi and they all huddled together accidentally pressing onto her arm too hard at times making Toni wince and Shelby getting a concerned look on her face.

“Oh God, I’m sorry Toni” One of her teammates said and Toni just shook her head 

“No, it’s cool, I’m all right,” She tried for a smile then looked at Shelby again who was just staring at her an endeared look on her face, and Toni can’t help but think about how adorable she looks that way. 

“Toni!” She then heard their coach call as she separated from the group making her way towards him and Toni’s breath hitched in her throat when she saw that beside him was the scout with a smile on his face

“Lucas this is Toni our captain and Toni this is Lucas, a scout for UConn,” The guy held her hand out and Toni shook it trying not to show that she was distracted 

“You did good out there,” He complimented her 

“It was a team effort sir,” Toni replied knowing that if it hadn’t been for her teammates giving the same amount of power that she did, they wouldn’t even get half as much as points as they did today

“Ah yes, a team effort being led by you correct?” 

Toni didn’t know what to say the praise she got from him making her tongue tied and decided to nod sheepishly instead 

“I honestly was here to scout for your opponent, but they might not have heard of you yet Toni, I would love for you to consider our university,” Lucas said seriously looking at her and her eyes widened right away 

“I- just like that? Don’t you need to consider other players, the season’s just starting,” Toni knew she should’ve shut up and not asked that but this was all happening too fast and too unlikely for her taste, there must be a catch, Lucas looked at her coach laughing as he shrugged 

“I’ve been hearing a lot about you Toni, all good things and finally being able to see you play, it wasn’t wrong so you better consider UConn alright? You’d be a great addition to our team,” He smiled and got a text from his phone and that was his cue to leave

“Well I should go, there’s another game I have to attend, bye Toni,” He nodded at her direction and pat her coach on the shoulder, “See you at dinner dad,” He said before leaving and Toni was even more confused now

“Dad?” She asked in disbelief and her coach raised an eyebrow 

“He’s my son, I asked him to come and watch my team play.” 

“That is crazy, you’re the one who told him about me?” 

“Unless you have another coach I don’t know about then maybe it was someone else,” Her coach chuckled before walking away and that was such a mindfuck for Toni her head almost hurt. 

She now wanted to look for Shelby but knew that she couldn’t exactly interact with her given the amount of people that could see them, it kind of hurt that she can’t but understood anyway. 

Her friends then made their way towards her congratulating her on the win and she brushed them off 

“So when are we going to celebrate?” Fatin asked and Dot rolled her eyes

“We just drank the other night do you really want to get hammered again? Plus we’ve got school tomorrow,” 

“Oh, right school, I forgot about that,” Fatin sighed 

“Of course, you did,” Toni teased 

“Where’s your girl?” Rachel then asked looking around, there were still a lot of people down on the court so it wasn’t really easy to find her 

“It’s fine I could meet up with her later,” Toni smiled even though she and Shelby hadn’t exactly talked about it yet but she didn’t want to tell her friends something that she should herself. 

“Bet Toni got her energy for the last two quarters from Shelby’s cheerleading,” Leah smirked at her and Toni instantly blushed at the image now engraved on her mind as the others laughed at her embarrassment


	15. chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are u threatened hehe

Toni decided to go home first, her friends had decided to celebrate her win and she told them she’d follow soon after. 

“You better not ditch us,” Fatin said giving her this ‘I’m watching you’ sign with her fingers and Toni pretended to look threatened

“Congrats again Toni,” Martha said hugging her tight then whispering, “I’ll see you later,” 

They all then piled into Martha or Fatin’s car as they drove out of the parking lot leaving Toni there with her gym bag clutched at her side and she still hadn’t seen Shelby which was starting to make her feel upset. 

She was about to leave when she saw the familiar white car parked just by the exit with a blonde girl’s back toward her and she smiled to herself thinking that maybe Shelby was just there waiting for her but she didn’t want to seem too excited so she casually walked towards it she was about a few feet away, going to call Shelby when someone beat her to it.

“Hey sweetie,” She stopped suddenly as this man approached Shelby and hugged her, and immediately Toni knew who this was, she and him made eye contact and she couldn’t believe her luck, she knew this guy. 

He pulled away and was eyeing Toni, he probably got that she was one of the players his daughter was just cheering 

Shelby turned around to see what her dad was looking at and her face fell when her eyes landed on Toni, all the colour seemed to drain from her and she can’t help but feel like she caused Shelby to look that way. She was stiff there, just watching her as the man then spoke pointing at her

“I know you, I saw you at the park once,” That just solidified what Toni already knew, this definitely was the man who was preaching that she saw when she went out for that morning jog, she couldn’t believe that guy was Shelby’s father but that must mean, 

“What?” Shelby asked tearing her eyes away from Toni right away and looking at her dad a confused and worried expression on her face

“Yeah, I saw her, she was running while I was preaching sweetie, the way she answered my question is the reason why Clara’s family started going to our church,” He smiled at her and looked back at Toni who didn’t know what to make of this whole situation. Shelby had a pastor for a dad, an actual person who she saw first-hand does not have any consideration for anyone who might be willing to love anyone who they do. That made Toni sick to her stomach. She thinks that this is even worse than the bruise that now might be residing in her right arm. 

“Do you know each other?” Her dad asked and Shelby looked at her and at that moment Toni knew she wasn’t going to like what she heard

“No dad, we’ve never met before,” She said that so convincingly that Toni might have laughed and said ‘good one,’ if only she wasn’t looking at her with such a piercing look. Her heart dropped at that and she immediately had to go 

“We haven’t formally met yet, I’m Dave Goodkind and obviously this is my wonderful daughter Shelby,” He held his hand out but Toni knew better than to let this guy be friendly with her, she’s seen too much shit and knows how manipulative men do this front. Plus the look he was giving her, he might think that he’s subtle but he’s not, Toni could feel the hints of pity, disappointment and even distaste he has from the way he talked to her. 

“I see you play sports? Volleyball perhaps?” He asked and seriously Toni was getting sick with this guy’s antics, she’d heard him talk at the park and she’d seen how the Shelby she knew was completely different from who she was seeing now

“Basketball actually,” Toni said and he nodded simply

“I see… Well Shelby we must get going Andrew must be waiting to see you before his game,” Dave said looking at Shelby who was looking anywhere else but at Toni, 

“Yeah daddy, Andrew’s expecting to see me,” Shelby said quietly but Toni heard it loud and clear and she felt her head spinning at that, she knew who Andrew was, of course she did. From what her dad had just implied it seems as if this was no place for Toni. She was just passing by, not a friend or anyone to Shelby

After that Toni walked past them right away, she was trying to calm herself down, think rationally that’s what she was trying to do. She tried her hardest not to look back, to not see if Shelby’s even trying to give her at least a look to show something, anything that would help ease Toni. As she glanced behind her all she could see was the two of them walking side by side toward the field, not once turning around. 

She walked home, her arm was starting to feel numb especially by her shoulders but she doesn’t think it’s anything serious, at least she hopes it isn’t. 

Toni tried to focus on anything else, on the cars rushing past, on the people walking down the same street as she is or even the blinking of the traffic lights but she couldn’t help but feel like shit. She understood why Shelby had acted the way she did, Toni kind of prepped herself knowing that they wouldn’t be able to talk out in the hallways like the others knowing the kind of gossip that would surround that. So she knew this was going to happen, but this was entirely different. 

It wasn’t just the tone of her voice which made Toni wonder if she was the same person but the way she looked at her too. She would remember seeing the faintest of twinkles at Shelby’s eyes whenever they made eye contact no matter how far away but this time there was nothing. It really did feel like Toni was just another player for the school and she was just this cheerleader she’d never met before.   
That stung, but Toni never wanted to think about getting mad at Shelby because she only did what she had to and she respected that. But does this mean that Shelby doesn’t respect her back? Too ashamed of her to even call her a friend at least? What was the deal with Andrew? She shook her head at those thoughts but at that last part she felt her fists clench. He was an asshole, through and through high school all he did was pretend like everyone was supposed to bow down to him, well Toni wasn’t about to do that, especially to someone who happens to be a dick. 

When Toni finally got home she instantly fell on the couch, she hadn’t had time to check her phone the whole time since it was in her bag when she pulled it out of course there were a few texts from Shelby

‘please let me explain’

‘im sorry he caught me off guard’

‘i didn’t know he was coming’

‘i’ll make it up to you, i just need to finish this stupid football game,’

‘i never got to say congrats but you know i’m proud of u’

That last part made Toni’s stomach drop, those were words she wanted to hear from Shelby herself, she was there during halftime when Toni genuinely felt like she wasn’t doing her best for the team. Then after that she’s brushed aside like she’s no one. What was she supposed to think. Was it okay for her to get mad? She doesn’t want to but she can’t help but wonder why the world is so fucking unfair to her. 

She just wants to be happy, that’s all, she doesn’t need anything fancy or anything over the top just wants her dad and Leo. As for Shelby, Toni would fight for her, of course she would but it’s as long as she wants her to fight for her. 

No use going into a battle where you know you’re bound to lose anyway.


	16. chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys, sorry i didn't update yesterday, lot was going on and i didn't feel like giving out a chapter i wasn't satisfied with, thanks for keeping up :))

“Someone took their time!” Rachel said the moment Toni entered her apartment, everyone else looking at her and she gave an apologetic smile

“Sorry I lost track of time,” Toni simply explained not really in the mood to elaborate 

“Cut her some slack, must be heavy carrying the entire team all by yourself,” Dot said wiggling her eyebrows and Toni shook her head

“You know that isn’t true,” 

That’s when Fatin came near her a bottle of beer on both her hands as she offered one of them to Toni

“We’re going to celebrate your big win and for showing that scout who they’re missing,” 

“You guys know about the scout?” Toni asked as she took one of the bottles from Fatin who grinned widely

“Well duh! The girls and I were freaking the fuck out for you when we saw him with your coach,” 

“What’d he say Toni?” Rachel asked looking at her with a somewhat proud look on her face

“Bet she already got offered a spot and is leaving tomorrow,” Dot joked and Toni laughed 

“Ah no for the leaving tomorrow, but the spot, I guess?” Toni said and immediately the others had their mouths open agape at her and Martha rushed to hug her as they feigned their shock and excitement 

“I’m so proud of you!” Martha said hugging her tight as the girls joined in and she felt really happy there 

“Well fuck I was only joking but I should’ve known, this is Toni we’re talking about,” Dot said when they all pulled away 

“Where’s your girlfriend?” Rachel then asked realizing that she isn’t here to celebrate with Toni 

“She isn’t my girlfriend and she’s watching the football game,” Toni simply said and they all looked at her weirdly

“Does she know you only play basketball?” Fatin joked thinking that maybe Shelby got confused or something which wasn’t very plausible

“Uh I think her dad wanted to watch the school’s team play,” Toni shrugged then went over to the couch, sitting down as the others felt the stiff feeling that followed Toni when they mentioned Shelby

They didn’t want to make her upset on this special day so they decided not to push it and ask anymore which Toni appreciates far more than they would know. They end up watching movies and casually drinking beer, but not too much so they were all still pretty sober. 

“I may hate school but I missed hanging out with you guys like this after class,” Leah says and everyone nods in agreement

“Yeah, I missed this too,” Martha said glancing around at the group until one of their phone’s ring from the coffee table and it’s Toni’s 

“Who is it?” Toni asked Martha who was sitting on the floor and she glanced at it to see Shelby’s name. For a quick second Toni’s face dropped until she grabbed her phone and answered the call in the kitchen to have some privacy

“Hello?”

“Hey, are you okay?” Shelby said carefully and Toni sighed

“Yeah today was good we won remember?” 

“I mean about earlier,” Toni leaned against the kitchen counter running a hand through her hair

“I don’t know,”

“I’m really sorry Toni, it’s just he was right there and I didn’t know what to do please,” 

“I get where you’re coming from, but I’m just not sure if I’m okay with it” That was kind of a lie, Toni knew she was upset about it happening and the fact that it happened twice was even worse. Shelby was silent on the other end and she didn’t really know what she could say that would make Toni feel any better. 

“Can we please meet up?” Shelby finally said and Toni glanced at her friends and they were laughing together but at the same time she did want to talk to Shelby knowing that this would continue to bother her if she doesn’t do anything. 

Toni decided to meet with Shelby up back at her apartment and when she got there, Shelby was waiting outside her parked car and immediately stood and walked toward Toni when she saw her. She led them inside and upon entering the apartment Toni sat on one of the stools next to the small kitchen counter as the other girl only stared at her. 

“I know I can’t keep apologizing Toni but as much as I’d like to he’s my dad, he’s the only family I have here, I can’t-,” Shelby paused for a moment seeming to have a hard time finding words as Toni stares at her. “I can’t disappoint him, at least not now, I only have a few more months to go until I’m in college, until I can do whatever I want”

Toni wants to believe her, but a part of her can’t and she feels bad for feeling that way. 

“What does that mean?” Toni finally said after just staring at Shelby and the girl looked at her confused, waiting for her to continue

“What does that mean for this,” She motioned a hand toward the two of them, “For us? Is that even… a thing?” Toni didn’t know if she wanted an answer to that, she was just starting to be sure of her feelings, willing to try and take a risk after so long and now it seems to be retreating before it even starts. 

“I don’t,” Shelby shook her head a pleading look in her eyes. “I don’t know Toni, I have no idea how we’re going to do things but what I am sure of is that I like you, I’ve been sure of that even before.” 

“But do you like me enough? Shelby, I get it okay? But I don’t think I can balance you with me and the person who you are outside” Toni couldn’t believe she was saying all this, it seemed unlike her. 

Shelby then took a step forward and held her hand forcing Toni to stare at her.

“Please give me another chance, I’ll try okay? I want this. As long as you still do,” Shelby said with such certainty that Toni would’ve immediately said yes if she wasn’t thinking straight. But with the way Shelby’s eyes are staring back into her and saying all these things, she can’t help but give in. This was another chance she could give. She knew she could. 

Toni slowly pulled Shelby into a kiss that the other girl instantly melted in, it was soft and gentle, she wishes she could stay just kissing Shelby for the rest of the night and when she pulled away her eyes stayed closed, not trusting herself to stare deeply into Shelby’s eyes as she connects their foreheads, she could feel her breaths against her face and when she finally did, she was looking right at her with a smile

“I’ve wanted to do that ever since we were in the locker room,” Shelby admitted biting her lip and Toni laughed 

“You were so beautiful earlier,” Toni replied and before she knew the weight of her words Shelby moved away a bit and looked down trying to hide a smile from her face, “I couldn’t stop looking at you earlier,” Toni said and Shelby laughed at this

“I could tell, you staring at me earlier almost made me mess up my routine,” Shelby joked nudging Toni a little which made her smirk

“Were you distracted by me looking at you?” Shelby’s cheeks turned pink when Toni said this 

“I like you looking at me,” Shelby admitted then kissed Toni’s cheek who only smiled wider at her 

“And I like looking at you Shelby,” 

Toni’s phone then vibrated in her pocket and she opened it to see texts from an unknown number

‘Hey Toni! It’s Lucas, I scouted your game earlier? Recruited you for UConn, I was hoping we could meet anytime this week? I invited one of the coaches to fly over here and he would love to meet you.’

‘I really hope you consider playing for our team! You’d be a great addition.’

Toni’s eyes widened at this and she thought ‘oh this is so fucking legit now,’ she realized then and there that Lucas was really sure about taking Toni in 

“Who is it?” Shelby asked frowning seeing Toni’s expression 

“The scout earlier, he texted me asking to meet up with a coach,” Toni said in disbelief and Shelby had a shocked look on her face

“Oh my gosh, I am so happy for you!” She said pulling Toni into a hug that almost made her fall off the stool, “I knew you did great earlier,” She whispered and at that moment, Toni wished everything stayed this way. 

Little did she know it wouldn’t last


	17. chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope y'all are good, maybe don't kill me just yet

Things were going so well for Toni, until it wasn’t. 

She had school that day which as she and her other teammates begged their coach to ask for a day off after winning, they’ve never actually had a proper first day because of the game and so they had to attend classes. She didn’t mind though, she was actually feeling kind of positive for once which felt odd at first but she decided to go with it not wanting to think of whatever could go wrong. 

Toni had her backpack over one shoulder as she entered the campus, she got smiles from a few of the students, congratulating her and she simply gave them grins in return, she wasn’t really close with any of them until she saw Martha by her locker and Toni hugged her from behind.

“Hey,” Toni greeted when Martha pulled her away and looked right at her sizing her up

“Are you okay? Are you sick?” She asked inquisitively attempting to place her hand on Toni’s forehead as she simply let her sighing 

“I’m fine Marty what makes you think I’m not?”

“Maybe it’s because the way you entered here seemed like you got a rainbow up your ass,” Fatin and Toni glanced at her giving her a weird look. Was this so random to them?

“Ha ha funny, can’t I just be happy?”

“You can, but not on the first day,” Fatin said shrugging, “It’s like a rule you know?”

“I honestly don’t know what’s up with me either, got a feeling today’s going to be good to me,” Toni explained and she looked at Martha who had a proud smile on her face 

“I wish everyday treated you this way Toni,” She said hugging her best friend which Toni returned even tighter 

“I’m going to find Dot and tell her about your… Condition. See you at lunch,” Fatin then left leaving only Toni and Martha who obviously both decided to walk to class together 

“So what happened yesterday?” Martha finally asked and Toni glanced at her as they made their way through the halls as students rushed past one another or simply tried to talk over the noise that was starting to build up. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean you won your first game, got an offer from a scout and yet you seem happier now than you were yesterday, so what gives?” 

Toni knew there was no point in lying to Martha plus she couldn’t exactly do that when she’s looking at her as if she would definitely know if Toni wasn’t saying the truth 

“Shelby and I just got into a misunderstanding, that’s all, I got upset about it but we talked after and it’s all good now,” Toni smiled and Martha looked at her as if trying to gauge how honest Toni was and finally she shrugged

“Okay, I’m glad you’re both alright Toni,” 

They entered the classroom and in there were a bunch of students already so they quickly chose their seats, Toni chose the one nearest to the left where the window was with Martha on her right, the view from that seat was always so great when the sun was setting but even in the morning seeing students buzzing around was enough to distract Toni from whatever lecture was going on, so much so that she didn’t even realize when the door shut and her teacher had gone inside with someone standing by his desk

“Good morning everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful break, I would like to congratulate the girls’ basketball team for their win yesterday.” There was applause and cheering which made Toni face the front of the class and smile at her teacher who she immediately recognized to be Miss Grace, and the person standing by her desk met eyes with Toni and she couldn’t believe it as she grinned her way 

“Oh, and this is Miss Shelby Goodkind, she just transferred this semester since her family moved here and I want you all to welcome her, be nice and make sure she has a great time here at Lakewood High.” Shelby then looked at Miss Grace giving her a smile, “And as for you Miss Goodkind I hope you enjoy it here, take that seat in front of Toni there,” She pointed to the seat that she hadn’t even realized was vacant but was so grateful that it was. 

When Shelby sat down and Miss Grace started speaking, she didn’t turn around listening to whatever the person in front was saying even though Toni already knew that she was going to be assigning them something to read on this first day and she should’ve known that Shelby would be a straight A student, so she took this as a sign to let her mind wander again. 

She was staring at the textbook in front of her, thinking who in their right mind would think that any student would actually get through this whole thing without wanting to doodle on the pages, she was so deep in her thoughts that she didn’t hear Shelby calling her name. 

“Toni,” Her eyes finally snapped in front of her to see Shelby smiling widely at her and it made her heart pound like a little boy seeing his crush for the first time

“Uh yeah?” She replied looking right at Shelby

“I was going to ask if you wanted to be my partner but it seems like you’re more invested in that textbook in front of you,” 

“Me?” Toni then asked glancing around the room, scared that Shelby might somehow be repulsed and was only kidding 

“Yeah dummy,” Shelby simply said and from the look Toni was giving her she connected the dots and spoke softly, “I don’t know anyone else here, so they wouldn’t know my dad,”

“Oh” 

“So, do you know what to do?”

“Oh no I just wasn’t paying attention,” She blurted and Shelby chuckled, “But uh,” She looked at Martha since they always paired up during the classes they had together but she saw that she was already talking to the person on her right and probably made it so that she didn’t have a partner, “Oh nevermind she’s found someone else,” Toni then said as she looked back at Shelby with a smile

“Would you like to be my partner?” She asked Shelby who looked at her shocked with a smile

“Wow, you ask me like I hadn’t asked you first,” 

“Best you try to pay attention to whatever Miss Grace was saying,” 

They ended up making their desks face toward each other as they discussed what they had to do, as Shelby was telling her she just couldn’t help herself as she stared at her eyes, the sunlight seeping through the windows that Toni was always looking out at, complimenting every angle of Shelby’s face, the way she spoke made Toni’s heartache wishing that she could kiss her

“Did you hear what I just said?” Shelby then asked frowning and Toni leaned in as if about to whisper something 

“I seriously want to kiss you right now,” 

Shelby moved away and looked down but Toni could see her blushing and from the way she’s tucking her hair behind her ear she knew she was trying to hide the smile on her face. 

“Sorry was that too cute?” Toni said and Shelby finally looked up at her smiling 

“You’re such a dork, now come over here and listen to what we have to do,” 

That was the only class Shelby and Toni had which was upsetting but she was glad that she had her other classes with her friends, that was always a great thing, that means she gets a pass to sleep in Mr. Cole’s class with Fatin and Rachel at the back of the classroom. 

During lunch however, as Toni sat with her friends, she saw that Shelby was on the table with the cheerleaders and football players which was so typical that it made Dot gag. They asked her why that was and Toni gave them the simple answer

“Her dad’s a Christian, she needs to keep this front since her so-called friends could rat her out to him,” 

“Oh yikes,” Fatin said drinking from her Hydro Flask because of course it’s a Hydro Flask 

“Big yikes, how are you dealing with it?” Dot asked and Toni glanced back at Shelby who she saw moved away when Andrew wrapped an arm around her 

“I trust her,” 

When classes ended she made her way toward the gym even though they didn’t have practice that day, she saw her coach, Lucas and another man by the centre talking when Toni got closer to them they all looked at her and Lucas offered him a smile

“Glad you could make it Toni, this is Coach Vasquez, UConn’s head coach,” He held his hand out and shook Toni’s who was simply looking at him in astonishment 

“I’ve seen your game kid, you’re really good out there,” He said and she stammered to reply

“I uh thank you coach,” 

“Toni, they want to make you an offer,” Her coach then started and she looked at him, the look on his face had both a proud look but also a sad one and Toni didn’t know why

“Yes, we do, one that we don’t give out to just anyone Toni, but when Coach Vasquez saw the way you played, he literally made me pull all the strings I could,” Lucas explained with Coach Vasquez nodding in agreement to all he was saying 

“What’s the offer?” Toni then asked fidgeting with the straps of her backpack 

“We want you to transfer to UConn,” Lucas simply said 

“For college?” Toni asked when he didn’t continue and this time Coach Vasquez spoke

“We can’t wait that long, if we want to win we need you to gel with the players as early as now,” 

“What are you saying?” Toni then asked confused

“They mean they want you to transfer there now, not even finish the semester here at Lakewood but a partner high school in Connecticut.” Her coach said and this time she understood why he had that sad look on his face

“Yeah, if you study in Connecticut, you could already train with the college’s team and be an absolute beast when the league starts in a few months, you’d be playing as a freshman who’s already known her teammates far longer than anyone else has.” Lucas then said and only then did his words sink in with Toni 

“But, I don’t-“

“You don’t have to decide right away kid, we know this is all overwhelming but best believe that when you agree everything will be taken care of since we want you to start working with us right away,” Coach Vasquez said smiling at her

“A full scholarship with allowance and all you need to do is give me call, tell me what you’ve decided and I’ll take care of everything,” Lucas said and Toni was still in such disbelief and all she could say was

“T-thank you for this huge opportunity, I’ll think about it, I swear, thank you coach,” She looked at her coach first, it was because of him that Toni turned out to be the way she is and he smiled at her

“And thank you too, Lucas and Coach Vasquez, I’ll call you right away when I’ve decided.”

After that Toni decided to call her dad, the campus was mostly quieter now except for the students who stayed to study or had practice and so she sat down at one of the benches and called him to ask about what she should do. When he answered the call on FaceTime she immediately knew he was at home in his loft as she could see the dangling lamps that she’s always been so fascinated by. 

“Hey Toni,” He greeted and Toni said hi back

“Dad listen, I need to tell you something,”

Toni explained the offer from UConn and the moment she finished telling him about what had happened in the gym he was so shocked and excited

“I’m so proud of you! That’s my daughter right there!” He said loudly that Toni was glad he was in the comforts of his own home, as he was giving her compliments a notification popped from her screen and it was a text from Shelby telling her that she was at the diner near campus where she brought her and Leo to. Toni then got up from her seat and started walking in that direction. 

“Damn I can’t believe it, I literally can’t” He said out of breath and Toni chuckled

“Dad, should I take it?” Toni seriously asked and he had a look on his face as if asking if she was serious

“Toni, you definitely should, this school is offering you so much more than I could give you and sure you may be farther away but Leo and I can always get a plane to meet you. Plus that would mean you leaving Indiana, wouldn’t that be the best,” He said the last part seriously and Toni hadn’t even thought of those implications, her mind then flashing back to that night. 

“I- yeah you’re right dad,” 

“But hey, no pressure alright? You don’t have to take it if you don’t want to but all I’m saying is, the opportunity to start over somehow and live freely Toni, I want that for you more than anything.” He smiled and suddenly Toni heard talking on his end and she immediately called out

“Leo? Is that you?” Leo’s face then popped up on screen and she smiled so wide that Toni almost tripped 

“Hey buddy! I miss you,” Toni said sadly and Leo opened his arms as if asking her to hug him

“I miss you too Toni! You should come visit us soon,” Leo said his voice sad but excited at the same time

“I wish I could buddy,” When Toni was at the diner and looked through the glass she wishes she hadn’t

“Toni? Is Shelby there can I say hi?” Leo asked as she did see Shelby through the glass, her dad’s back facing toward Toni and Andrew beside her. She was cornered into the booth but it didn’t seem that way, she was laughing and smiling, nothing on her face said that she wasn’t enjoying it. But the deal breaker was when Andrew leaned in and quickly kissed her. The sound of her phone drowned out as she turned it off, watching the scene in front of her, even as she looked away she couldn’t stop the image that had planted itself in her brain. This wasn’t happening she wanted to think. She breathed in deep and walked away quickly, wanting to get to her apartment as fast as possible. 

Meanwhile Shelby in the booth of the diner had just looked up after Andrew had kissed her without warning and saw the fleeting frame of Toni.


	18. chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope yall are enjoying this the story's ending

Toni decided that she was too exhausted to walk home plus it started raining heavily so she took a bus, she sat down at one of the seats as she pulled her jacket tighter around her body, the vehicle started moving, her heart racing her and leg bouncing up and down. All she could think of right now was ‘what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck,’ this was it. She was so done with it, hell she doesn’t even know what she’s done with since they never actually outright spoke about their feelings or what they were. 

She was breathing raggedly trying to forget that scene in her head, Shelby had texted her that she was at the diner, was this some sick joke? Did she plan for Toni to see that? What a fucking asshole. Toni shook her head at her thoughts. They were too much, she was so happy at the start of it all then like clockwork of course it had to crash down so hard. She starts to think that maybe this whole thing was to see how much more she could take before she decides to leave Indiana. 

She wonders how she should ignore Shelby, or how to not see her ever again. She wanted to drink her ass off but at the same time she didn’t want to. She thought about going to see Martha and the others to distract her but that wouldn’t help them if she sulked around and stopped them from having fun. No, Toni needed to get home she could figure it out there. Once she calmed down a bit she took her phone out and texted her dad.

‘hey dad can u tell leo my phone died and that i’ll call him later?’

She sent the text and shoved back into her pocket, setting it to do not disturb knowing that whatever notification pops up she’d be tempted to see if it was from Shelby, still curious to see as to what kind of shit she might be willing to lie to her about. 

Toni almost missed her stop but she had to walk a few more to her apartment anyway so it wasn’t a big deal, it did suck that it was raining though, not as strong as when it started but strong enough for people to still walk around with umbrellas and to look at her as if she were a homeless person. She walked faster. 

Upon walking into the building and through the hall of her apartment she saw that the door to her place was slightly opened and her heart dropped. She cautiously made her way inside and saw no one in the living room or the small kitchen, the first bedroom door on the left was closed which was where her mom used to stay when she actually came home but then she saw that her door was opened slightly, not all the way but enough so that she could see someone was sitting on her bed. 

She slowly made her way towards it and wasn’t even shocked anymore when she saw her mom but what took her by surprise was when she saw what her mom was clutching in her hands, just staring at the stuffed penguin that Toni had given Leo when he was a lot younger. 

“What are you doing here?” Toni asked pointedly not minding the realization that slowly made its way slowly up her mom’s face as she looked at her. 

“He was here?” She simply said, so quiet that Toni almost didn’t hear

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Toni knew it was a longshot but tried anyway and this made her mom mad, standing up from the bed clutching the penguin tight in one hand. 

“Leo, he was fucking here and you didn’t even let me see him?!” She said loudly anger fuelling her eyes as Toni stepped back a little, “This was the stuffed toy I helped you pick out for him, I remember that day. We went to the grocery store and you had all your money from the piggy bank and bought this for him.” Her mom said staring right at Toni intensely then threw the toy away hitting her lamp on the desk

“Why didn’t you let me see him?!” She screamed again almost nudging at Toni who moved away quickly shocked by how her mother was acting

“Did you really think I’d let Leo see you like this?! See his mother acting out crazy because of whatever shit you got pumped in you?” Toni said angrily, she was getting pissed too now, everything finally bubbling up to the surface after being upset for so long

“I am his mother, I have the fucking right to-“ 

“You lost that right the moment you started taking drugs, he was a kid and you were out in the living room doing shit as he cried in the other room. Well fuck, forgive me if the image I want him to remember you as was the person who used to mean the whole world to him,” Toni said the intensity of her gaze not ever leaving, “He was two mom what the hell were you thinking? You know sometimes I think about what if I hadn’t gone home early from football practice that day, what if I didn’t see what you were doing and found Leo much later than when I did. He was dehydrated as fuck mom, you left him there to die.”

“He is still my child, I want to see him, hug him and care for him, he needs me, is that too much to ask?” Her mom said after a long pause

That was it. 

“And am I not your child?! Did you not think of me the same way you did Leo, he doesn’t deserve you. I was 16 and alone in this apartment for nights on end, didn’t you ever think that maybe I needed you. Maybe I needed you to say goodnight or to help me when I got my first period? Fuck where were you?” Her mom was silent now shocked at what was coming out of Toni’s mouth

“I needed you, way before Leo ever did, hell he needed you on that day you locked him in the laundry room and yet you left him and me and with that dad had to leave you. Dad who loved you more than anything in this world chose to go, even he whose hundreds of miles away from me made it through while you were out in some alleyway and yet you couldn’t show your face. You ruined my life.” Toni chuckled bitterly before grabbing her wallet out of her pocket and taking some cash out

“This is what you came here for yeah? Take it, I’m fucking done.” She shoved the money in her mom’s hand who gripped it tightly, her eyes expressionless as she stared at Toni who moved to the side extending her arm

“You can leave now and trust me you don’t ever want to come back here, there’s no one left for you.” 

Toni wasn’t expecting anything, she was actually serious this time, no hesitation in her voice. Her mom simply stared at her with an expression she didn’t care enough about to decipher.

“Toni, I-“ 

“Not a chance, you’ve got to go,” Toni cut her off quickly and when the apartment door slammed behind her she fell on her knees and was sobbing. Years of pent up anger had come out after so long, she was kind of relieved and in pain, so much pain all at once. She couldn’t stay here. She just couldn’t anymore, this was the one time she could actually tell herself that she needed better, she deserved better this time.

She got her phone out again and called someone who answered after two rings

“Hello?” 

“Lucas? It’s Toni, I’m taking the offer” She said directly trying not to make her voice crack 

“Wait are you serious? Really?” Lucas asked and she could hear that he smiling and tapping away on his keyboard. 

“Uh yeah, how soon can we leave?” Toni asked biting her lip 

“Whoa captain, easy there, I know I said I’d take care of everything but it isn’t as quick as you think,”

“By the end of the week? Would that be okay?” There was silence on the other end 

“That’s uh I don’t know I guess I can do something about it but no promises, still need your parent to agree to everything and all that,” 

“Send them to me, my dad, he supports the idea and wants me to leave as quick as possible too,” Toni said quickly and was once again met with stunned quietness from Lucas

“Uh okay, sure I’ll see what I can do, send me your email and I’ll send you the forms,” 

“Thanks,” Toni ended the call and breathed in, she’d calmed down now, the fear of leaving was way past her now, she knew what she wanted and anywhere else was better than here.

It was still raining heavily and just as Lucas had said, he sent her the forms which she immediately forwarded to her dad’s email account. He called right after he received it. 

“You took the offer? I thought you were hesitant just earlier,” She was glad this wasn’t a video call otherwise her dad would see right through her like he always did, she breathed deep before responding 

“Uh yeah something happened dad, that’s all, made me decide to go,” 

“Oh Toni, did she come back?” And because of Shelby but her dad didn’t need to know that

“Yeah dad, she found out Leo was here,” She proceeded to explain some of the words they’d exchanged but not everything just the gist of it all and he sighed

“I’ll get these forms done tonight so that you can hopefully move by the end of the week, I have no idea how that guy Lucas will pull this off but I hope he does,” 

“I do too, dad is Leo there?” She asked and then she heard rumbling on the other end and she was met with Leo’s voice on the other end

“Hi Toni!” He greeted happily and she couldn’t stop the smile from forming on her face

“Hey buddy, sorry my phone died earlier,”

“It’s okay! Dad told me it did,”

“You left your stuffed toy, I just found it,” Toni said glancing at the penguin that was now sitting upright on her desk next to her lamp when she fixed it 

“Yeah! I left it there as a surprise! Did you like it?” She bit her lip feeling a little awkward about the situation, for if it had been under any circumstances she would’ve been so happy to see it. 

“Yeah buddy, I missed you even more,” Toni simply said 

“I miss you too, when can we see you,”

“Soon Leo, I promise.” 

“Okay, I have to sleep now Toni we have a game tomorrow,” 

“Good luck buddy,” 

“Bye Toni! I love you,” Leo said cheerfully then made kissing noises on the other end 

“I love you too buddy,” The phone was then passed back to her dad 

“You should probably rest Toni, tonight must’ve taken its toll,” 

You have no idea, she wanted to say

“Yeah okay, night dad I’ll see you guys soon,”

“Take care of yourself, Toni,” 

When the call ended she got a text from none other than Shelby 

‘let me explain please, i know what u saw,’ 

Toni decided tonight was enough, she chucked her phone on the sofa and locked her bedroom door, deciding to try her best to sleep that night.


	19. chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi

Toni woke up groggily as she glanced at the alarm clock in her room, it read 2:53am, the sound of a loud storm raging outside almost annoyed her thinking that’s what must’ve awoken her but no, there was a very insistent tapping sound that if she didn’t pay attention to enough would be drowned out by the crashing of the rain against glass and concrete and yet she heard it. 

She slowly got up from the bed only realizing then that she was still wearing what she had the day before, and that she actually did crash right away despite how it seemed that she wouldn’t be able to sleep at all due to everything that had happened. She made her way toward the door of her apartment, there was definitely knocking on the other end. Toni had an idea as to why her mom might come back that night, maybe the storm caught up with her and she needed a place to crash in or maybe what she had given her wasn’t enough and she came back for more, or whatever bullshit Toni could think of but she couldn’t be more wrong

“I thought I told you to leave me alo-“ She was cut off when her eyes landed on who was actually outside her apartment at almost three in the morning 

“What are you doing here?” Toni said monotonously keeping a hand on the door as she stared at the girl in front of her

“I needed to see you Toni and I couldn’t wait until tomorrow,” Shelby said distress evident in her voice and her eyes full of sadness

“I don’t think I needed to see you Shelby,” Toni replied and the other girl broke eye contact with her as she tried her best to calm her nerves, she’d been so upset, couldn’t she have a break? 

“Please, can we talk?” 

“I honestly don’t think there’s anything we need to talk about,” 

“Toni please just let me-“ 

“No trust me, there isn’t anything we need to talk about, we aren’t even together you can do whatever you want and I don’t care,” That made Shelby stop and for a split second it actually pained Toni to see that she might believe she didn’t actually care but it flickered away as soon as the events that started every other bad thing to happen that day resurfaced from her memory 

“I know you don’t mean that, listen and hear me out,” 

“Okay,” Toni simply replied and held the door open now, letting Shelby in who had a shocked look on her face but went in anyway not wanting to let Toni change her mind. 

Toni sat on the couch and motioned with her hands for Shelby to go and tell her whatever she needed her to 

“I know that whatever I say, it won’t change what happened but trust me when I say that I didn’t ask for it to happen Toni. Never would I have imagined it with anyone else other than you when I first saw you that day in the park with Leo” Toni was taken aback by this, they first officially met at the summer event, how could she have known her from that day in the park with Leo?

“I didn’t just play with Leo because I thought he was adorable, I saw you first and you took my breath away.” Shelby had a pained expression as she spoke and tried to remember those days, when things were much simpler than they are now, “Everything that I had bottled up and thought I’d left in Texas, I wanted to throw them all out and get to know you Toni, I know it isn’t a whole lot but I did risk something that day and every other instance after that.”   
“I’m not downplaying what you did Shelby, I actually admire you doing it but the sacrifices, the pain that you make me feel, it makes me feel like shit,” Toni admitted her voice soft this time as she’s coming to terms with whatever this is and the possibility of what might happen now 

“And I understand that whatever apology I say won’t make up for it, but let me explain that I was in the diner waiting for you, but my dad came in with Andrew and he must’ve told my dad we were together or something and he was so happy,” Shelby looked away not wanting to have eye contact with Toni as she said it, “Then he kissed me out of nowhere,” 

“Shelby we aren’t even together,” Toni said as if Shelby had somehow forgotten and the blonde girl when she looked up to Toni had this intense gaze 

“I know we aren’t together Toni and fuck I wish I would’ve asked you to be my girlfriend the moment we kissed but I couldn’t knowing that I wouldn’t be able to be the person that you need, someone who could kiss you on the street, hold your hand in school and hell, even cheer for you on your games as me and not as some cheerleader.” Shelby was feeling exasperated as she said this 

“Shelby I-“

“And you don’t get how much I’ve wanted this sort of connection with someone, the intense almost burning feeling of just seeing you smile. Toni I didn’t want to let that go, I didn’t want to let you go and I’m selfish for that but I don’t think I’d want to lose you but-“

“Shelby I’m leaving,” 

There was complete silence in the apartment, only then had Toni realized that the rain outside had subsided, the look on the other girl’s face was shocked and confused 

“What do you mean? Are you going to see Leo?” Shelby asked after and Toni bit her lip before speaking

“The scout, UConn, they offered me a full ride and I accepted,” Toni said looking at Shelby’s reaction. “They wanted me to go there even before I finish my final year, I’m leaving for Connecticut on Friday,” 

Only then did Toni realize that she had two days left before she had to leave, it sunk that she was leaving everything behind, her friends, what she’s gotten used to, Shelby, and even her mom.

“That’s… great,” Shelby said softly and it seems as if all of that intensity she felt earlier, her passion had died out. 

“It wasn’t you,” Toni said, it was partially true she thinks, the thing with Shelby happened at the wrong day, the same day she’d confronted the only thing keeping her here and she didn’t want the other girl to think that she was moving to an entirely new state just to get away from her. 

“I’m sorry, I fucked up, I wish that I could make your last days here in Indiana worthwhile, the same way you did when I was new here,”

“I think you’ll have to worry about your own thing, Shelby,” Toni said and it pains her to speak those words but it was true, they weren’t in control, at least not yet and all those hindrances are what’s causing them not to work. 

“I just want to be with you and yet all I did was cause you pain and we weren’t even together,” Shelby laughed bitterly at that last part the hopelessness in her voice evident in the way she looks to finally meet Toni’s eyes. “I’m upset that you’re leaving, but I think it’ll be good if you get away from me too, I wouldn’t be able to keep myself from wanting to see you even if I know you don’t deserve someone who can’t even tell people around her about you.”

Toni looked at her sadly, sure Shelby did hurt her and maybe that’s a reason as to what helped to prompt her to leave but she can’t deny the budding feelings she has for this girl. 

“Maybe now isn’t our time Shelby, it’s not like you’re here forever, I’ll come back someday,” Toni said trying to lift her spirits and Shelby looked at her as the weight of Toni’s words hit her so hard: she’s already given up on the idea of them before it even starts. She didn’t even realize that she was crying until Toni placed her hand on her cheek wiping her tears away. 

“Will you at least let me?” Shelby finally asked as Toni’s hand lingered on her 

“Let you what?” 

“Let me show you how you deserve to be treated,”


End file.
